The Choice Of Us

In Anguish

LUIS

I was at a wits end, losing whatever ounce of sanity I still had left as days passed with her still gone. We were all working tirelessly to figure out where she was and who could've possibly taken her and as such sleep was scarce given the way my mind was constantly reeling.

I was really trying to piece things together.

If I ever found the person who did this- there was no limit to what I would do to them for touching what's mine.

It killed me not knowing how she was doing and I was surprised the coffee mug remained intact despite the tight grip I had on it. I still couldn't even bear to say the other word that often whispered in the deep crevices of my mind that maybe she was no longer alive.

She was alive.

She was alive.

I kept murmuring those words in those moments of doubt till they became my silent prayer of redemption.

"You need to get some rest," Ruby mumbled, I looked up and found her placing the empty dishes into the sink and took note of how slow her movements were.

"Not until you do," I said leaning back in my seat at the exhaustion weighing me down.

"It's not easy for a mother to lay down not knowing what's happening to her child," she mumbled plopping herself into the seat across from me. And just when I'm about to open my mouth to respond the knocking at the door stopped me.

She stood and left the room and its not long before I hear voices making me grow anxious at the fact one of those voices belonged to Nathan who waltzed into the room. Once his eyes landed on me they hardened.

"Before you say anything, I invited him here. And for as long as he's here, you are going to act civil or you can show yourself to the damn door. I'm not in the mood to deal with any fights," she said switching her gaze between us both and though I resorted to avoiding his gaze in particular he gruffly replied with a simple 'fine'.

"Hey Luis," glancing up Monica's eyes were on me as she waved in my direction. I nodded in response, though I would have said more the way Nathan was glaring at me made me return my gaze to the coffee mug on the table as my body tensed in discomfort. A silence quickly settled in the room as we each drifted off into our own worlds. I was already forming an excuse in my head to leave until Nathan decided to break the silence.

"How do you even have the time to be sitting here? Aren't you the least bi-"

"Nathan," came the older woman's voice, a warning hidden behind just that one word and I hoped that would be enough to make him stop, but the hard glare he sent my way unnerved me.

"What? Mama T, you can't expect me to be cordial with the main reason why we're in this situation in the first place. I bet you, his ass is secretly involved in i-."

"The fuck did you just say!" I growled standing up from my seat to stalk towards him, muscles tensed at the absurd accusation.

"The apple doesn't fall from the tree, right?" he smirked standing his ground ignoring the warning that came his way. However, just as I was about to throw a punch, Monica's voice intruded the moment all hell was about to break loose, despite us both making a promise to play nice.

"Stop it!"

We both broke the stare down to gaze in her direction to see her fuming. If her face had been a few shades lighter I'm sure it would have been the colour of a tomato and like Tiana's mother she seemed tired of the obvious tension brewing between Nathan and I." I can't believe you two even have the audacity to pick a fight when we have bigger issues to deal with."

"So you want me to willingly breathe the same space as him?" Nathan asked gesturing in annoyance at me.

I'm not a fan of yours either.

"Your hypocrisy is so fucking ridiculous Nathan and the fact you can't even see it," she paused crossing her arms in disappointment," is so screwed up."

His mouth gaped in shock, softening at the way her eyes glistened as she began rubbing her nose," Moni-"

She raised her hand cutting him off and I could only watch on quietly as he snapped his mouth shut. Monica's gaze switched between us both as her voice came out lightly unable to hide the emotions in it," I don't make it a habit of getting involved in people's business but you . . . you go around preaching to us- telling us how we should learn to not let the horrible experiences we've had affect the way we see the rest of the world. 'Oh not all men are the same'," she threw her arms dramatically mimicking Nathan. And though under normal circumstances one would find humour in her impression of him, the pain on her face only heightened the seriousness of this moment.

He even looked away, no longer willing to meet her penetrating gaze," Isn't that the shit you teach to all of us in the support group?" she questioned eyeing him carefully before scoffing." Guess the only time the word forgive manages to find its way in your vocabulary - is when its fucking convenient for you."

"Monica please-"

"No, Nathan," she groaned in frustration gripping the bridge of her nose," how can you beg me to try give you a chance and not allow the man who violated me to destroy me when you treat him," she pointed in my direction," as if he held the gun himself!"

She took a few calming breaths to gather herself but her quivering lip gave away just how far from calm she really was," If we now operate on a system of convenience you might as well stop in your attempts to show me how a real man should handle a woman's body because you . . . obviously aren't one," she spat with venom marching out of the room.

She stopped short and gave Tiana's mother a hug and placed a container in her hands," Before I forget, my uh . . . mom made you these. She wanted to be here but she had to leave town for a-a couple of days," she mumbled with an edge of uncertainty and left the room without saying anything else and without bothering to look back.

Nathan stood in the same place she had left him and I began to wonder if that same hopeless look in his eye was the same look I had when Tiana rejected me that day. That pain had been unbearable and it felt like the only real chance at love had vanished from my very reach. Though I didn't like him, he obviously meant a lot to Tiana. And for as long as I wanted her in my life it meant he'd be in mine.

Hesitating, I gently placed my hand on his shoulder causing him to look at me in question ," As someone whose been on the end of this, I wish I hadn't accepted the door slamming in my face," I swallowed hard to prohibit the tears from falling as I recalled that day," I shouldn't have allowed her to slip from me all to easily to fall prey to depression and just when I found the ability to gather the very fragments of my heart along with my strength. . . she's taken away from me."

I clenched my jaw to contain my anger and squeezed his shoulder blade," Go after her."

He didn't respond and honestly he didn't have to as he walked away and followed her.

"That was beautiful . . . what you said," she mumbled staring at me.

And I couldn't help but smile small and said," That's because it was all true. There are a lot of things I realize I should have done a lot sooner in this life."

"Like what?"

I swallowed hard frowning as the words slipped out," Destroyed all those past demons."