The Choice Of Us

Feel Right

TIANA

Once we passed the threshold an unsettled feeling, crept in causing a sudden chill up my spine. Still, I dragged my lead feet into the dark house choosing to ignore the feeling that something was amiss- only to jump in surprise to find the light suddenly on to reveal the smiling faces of a few friends and people we considered as 'family'.

"Surprise!" they all yelled, I felt my heart rapidly beat against my ribcage reacting to the noise.

I relaxed slightly moving further into the room once I realized there was no danger awaiting us. And nodded my head acknowledging the congratulations sent my way at surviving the hardships that came with school. Janet and Rita even came causing a genuine smile to break out on my ruby coloured lips.

However, the smile failed to last long at the sight of Nathan's face amongst the sea of people. It had been a while since I last sat down and spoke to him and considering how close he was with my brother, he had in turn become a brother to me. Such that once Tim died I blocked him out. But it was too hard to face him even after all this time the minute I noticed him coming towards me, I moved away. A cowardly move- I know but Tim's death took a lot out of me including the plans we had made sitting under the stars, boasting about the fortune that was sure to come our way.

And yet, ever since we laid him to rest I couldn't necessarily explain what it was. A burning ache erupted in my chest such that I wanted to do everything in my power to stop others from experiencing what I went through and nothing was going to stop me.

Nothing.

And though my mother hoped the little celebratory party would distract me, I found myself drifting amongst the people. Nodding, listening half-heartedly with mild interest.

My mind drifting aimlessly whilst my eyes every so often would shift to the clock on the wall wondering how much longer I had to wear this faux smile.

But as life had proven to me time and time again the unfair game it was playing, I found my smile dropping at the sound that met my ears.

No. . . .

My heart dropped to the very pits of my stomach once the melodious sound of TLC's Waterfalls began blasting through the speakers.

That used to be our song.

The song had barely reached the chorus yet I already felt claustrophobic. Unable to breathe at the goofy memories that song held of Tim driving around the neighbourhood to wind down time whilst I sat in the backseat singing along.

No!

No!

No!

I had to escape-

Dismissing myself- blinking away the pain was futile as I pushed through the people ignoring the laughter bouncing off the walls.

Hands sweating

Knees weak

I had to get out!

Slamming the door shut behind me, I pressed my back firmly against it to stop myself from collapsing on the floor in tears.

One would think being in his old room would only increase the anguish I felt, yet surprisingly as I took in the room I felt myself oddly growing calmer with each second I spent in here taking deep breaths through my nose. A tactic I developed when I began having that dark dream.

I hadn't planned on ever entering this room again.

Still my body moved around the room taking in the bare grey walls that had been stripped of his identity except for the brown boxes.