The Choice Of Us

The Choice

TIANA

We had been walking on the beach for some time. The only sound being that of the waves kissing the shore with a soft hiss. Taking a deep breath I found myself feeling grateful at the fact I was here, there had been a point in my life I thought I wouldn't make it. That I'd never get the opportunity to travel the world like I once dreamed whispering these secrets quietly into my pillow or . . . start a family.

I glanced in his direction and found him staring at his feet as we moved along the shore. His scar staring back at me- telling tales of torment that spoke of his imperfections. Imperfections that entered my path to distort my plans. Moving my eyes down in appreciation of his stature my eyes landed once again to the package in his hand.

"It's been so long since I came here," he mumbled breaking the silence; he glanced in my direction and under the light of the sun I was entranced by the silver gleam in his eye." Once the . . . incident took place," he breathed placing his attention back to his feet," I left. I hated parts of myself for being tied to someone like that."

"We can't choose our family. When I was held against my will," I stopped walking altogether- it was still hard to move past all that and he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"You don't have to talk about it-"

"No- I want to . . . because what I saw in him was the thing that I was so close to becoming."

After visiting my brother's grave where I came to terms of the little distinction between myself and the man who took his life- in Cain, I saw the quick judgement he had made of me based off of my skin. I had done the same with other people- closed myself off and then. . .

Luis came.

"And now?" he asked.

"Things are different- I'm different."

And I meant it.

"Even after everything. My messed up family-"

"Like I said . . . we don't have a choice in a lot of things. And you're right- if you had told me who you were I don't think I would have been so open to hearing your side of the story."

"Will you be willing to keep that same frame of understanding for something else?" he asked nervously biting his bottom lip. I looked at him incredulously as to what he was alluding to and he removed his arms much to my dismay to bring the mysterious package out in front of him.

Luis seemed unsure of himself as he held it in his hands and after a few more seconds passed he eventually placed it into my hands delicately.

"I've been meaning to give this to you and I hope you can forgive me but," he paused taking a deep breath as if he was struggling to get the words out," I had to do it."

When he made no move to clarify what he meant I took that as a cue to open it. Opening it, I felt the butterflies increase at what I saw and my eyes quickly moved to his in question of how this could be.

And the tears accumulated at the sight of Tim's name splayed across the intricately designed black and grey book cover with the simple title Tim's Collection of Poems staring back at me. My hands moved across it yearning to grasp this reality in front of me and once I opened the book I couldn't stop the smile seeing the simple dedication to his life.

"I came across it in your apartment. And the intention had been only to read it but, T," he paused and when I glanced at him, he had tears in his own eyes," I couldn't allow the world to go on without his words."

"S-So when I thought I had lost it . . . you had it all along?"

He nodded his head," Yes a-and I know it was wro-"

I quickly cut him off wrapping my arms around him. Feeling joy at the fact Tim's work had been published such that without a second thought I whispered," Thank you. Thank you so much."

He tightened his hold on me choosing that moment to kiss my forehead," It was only right I do. And in a few weeks its going to be released. I thought it was only fair I show it to you first . . . in case you don't want me to."

"No, no, no," I pushed myself back to look directly in his eyes," I wouldn't change a thing and I'm going to read each one," I chuckled as the tears continued to fall and the rumble in his chest made me grow comfortable with staying in that position where nothing else mattered.

His smile hit me, the blinding light behind it illuminating the lining of the stars in my universe to fall for him. Only intensifying the wanton need I had for him. I knew I should have been upset over blaming myself for thinking I lost his book, but I was glad that this was happening.

"Although I loved all his poems . . . there's one that really stood out to me," he said taking the book out of my hands to flip through it. He eventually placed it back into my hands and I'm met with the words THE CHOICE staring back at me.

I hadn't read this one.

And that alone lured me in to soak in the words on the page as I delve deeper into where my brother's thoughts laid in his view of the world.

I apologize if my very existence offends.
That forces of creation subjected you
To deal with sharing the ground with me.
I pity all challenges you faced,
The burn your eyes feel as you gaze upon me
Whilst painting me below the scope of mediocrity.
Still it puzzles me, how you punish my lack of inability.
In my mothers womb I was given no choice,
No mystical voice came asking, "What shade best fits you?"
Still I open my eyes; persecution awaits me, malicious smile
Prepared to hinder my pursuit for the vein of gold.
I asked my elders if vengeance will compensate the pressure I feel-
But Maya told me otherwise and the man bred in Georgia told me to dream.

Although violence was too tempting a path to take,
The anger singing melodiously to turn my hand into a fist on your face.
I cannot do that.
And I will not subject you to such.
Amidst strong powers coercing us on different sides,
I will not apologize!
I will not apologize for our smiles when one of us finds gold,
Nor will I apologize for seeing beyond the hues of blue as something limitless.
The discomfort you feel, I will not waste any more of time,
Wondering how to change to gain your acceptance
For us to walk together in the halls.

However. . .
What I will do is open my hand to you when you make the choice.
Welcome you with no resentment, for this one ground we share
Has drunk enough blood to saturate it for centuries.
We may not have had a choice at birth but we do have a choice to either build or destroy each other.
And I choose to love regardless of what you do.

"All that he's said . . . it's true, T. We may not have had a hand in how we were made but we do have a choice to make in whether we choose hate," he paused wiping away the perpetual flow of tears from my eyes gently," or love. And from how I see it, hating each other is such an unnecessary energy that drains the chances of good in this world."

Many could look at us and criticize. Immediately repudiate the notion that we were normal given our choice to be together. Yet seeing the care that fabricates the angles of his frame when he holds me and speaks made me think may be all the risk I see behind the black and grey eyes makes it worth it.

Reaching out, my fingers grazed his cheek only to move down to the scar on his neck. It didn't go unnoticed the way he tensed and frowned given the manner in which his breathing changed," I can feel your discomfort," I mumbled lowly hooking my hands behind his neck.

"Only because I'm pretty damaged," he chuckled nervously keeping his gaze trained on me. Letting me know that I was right where I needed to be.

"And yet I still choose you," I replied dropping my gaze down to his pink lips that appeared a deeper shade under the setting sun. And as he placed his lips on mine, with his attentive touch and taste all uncertainty dissipated into nothing for this moment in time where we made the choice to choose us above all forces trying to push us on opposite sides.