War of Hearts

Kabanata 21

 War

Dali-dali akong lumabas ng ospital at pumara ng tricycle. At first, I was hesitant to ride. I started to overthink.

Paano kung dalhin niya ako sa isang liblib na lugar?

Paano kung yung makakasabay ko ay lalaki tapos manyak pa? I can't help it alright.

Once you're exposed from that kind of vulnerability, fear arises and doubt is the only thing that can defend you from any harm.

"Sasakay ka ba neng?" Singhal sa akin ng driver. Kanina pa ako rito pumara. Dahil sa malalim na pag-iisip, natakot ako.

Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa, sumakay na ako sa loob, hoping that this man could be trusted.

"SRCU po."

Nagsakay pa siya ng ilang pasahero. Mabuti na lang at puro babae ang kaniyang sinakay. Binaba ako ni Manong sa aming paaralan at naglakad na lang pauwi sa aking dorm. Pagkarating doon ay naligo muna ako at tinawagan si Papa.

I want him to know what happened to me. I don't want to tolerate people like Sir Laurel who is teaching in our school. I want him to report immediately, para wala ng mabiktima sa susunod.

I've dialed him thrice but still he's not answering the phone. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako nang napagtantong abala si Papa sa kanyang trabaho. 

Humilata ako sa aking kama at hinagkan ang aking unan. I reminisced the details that happened earlier. I know how to defend myself especially from those kind of people. I was trained to defend myself from possible harm but at the moment, nagblanko ang isipan ko. It was like I was caged in darkness. I couldn't think rational. All I think about is the fear of being held captive. Fear of the unknown consequence. Kapag talaga nasa mismong akto ka na, nawawala ka na lang bigla. 

I am thankful for the man who barged in and helped me. He was like the light that's slowly reaching out to me, saving me from all harm. Sa simpleng aksyon na ginawa niya, the chains of darkness broke free from me. Imbis na pasalamatan ko siya, ako pa itong nagalit. I was vulnerable. I couldn't think straight and only thought of my safeness. It was my only defense. 

Sa ginawa kong pag walk out, hindi ko na nagawang balikan pa siya at magpasalamat. Siguro'y hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili kong ginawa sa kanya. I hope he understood my reaction. 

Nang magdilim na, sinubukan ko ulit tawagin si Papa. Hindi pa rin siya sumasagot. I left him a message instead.

Ako:

Pa, text mo ako 'pag 'di ka na busy. May sasabihin po ako sa'yo.

Suminghap ako ng hangin at pinakawala ito ng marahas. Bumangon ako mula sa kama at nagpasyang bisitahin muli si Andeng. Wala naman akong klase bukas kaya ayos lang na magtagal doon. I wore a black jogger pants, White plain shirt and sprayed some perfume on my wrist and neck. Bago ako tumulak sa St. Alphonsus, kung saan naka-confine si Andeng, nagkasalubong kami ni France.

"Kamusta simulation sa ospital?" She's excited to hear every detail but it was hard for me to tell her the truth of what happened.

"A-ayos lang naman. M-masaya!" I even chuckled, para kapani-paniwala.

"Saan punta mo?" 

"Dadalawin ko ulit si Andeng. Gusto mong sumama?"

"Sure! Teka lang. Palit lang ako ng damit."

Nagpaalam siyang magbihis muna kaya hinintay ko na lamang siya sa sasakyan ko. Pagpasok ni France sa sasakyan ko'y tumulak na kami para dalawin ang kaibigan. The hospital is huge kaya nawala pa kami. From what I've heard, kamag-anak nila France ang may-ari nito kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung kilala siya ng ilang matatandang doktor.