Home

XXIII

a/n sorry this is a bit of a shorter chapter!
in all honesty it's an important one nonetheless that's why it is so short,,to instill this one in your brain ahah.

The funny thing about Death, is that everyone knows who he is, but no one knows his effects until it is too late. Death makes himself scarce, he prefers to lurk in the shadows, and no one truly can understand him until Death appears on their doorstep. You knew who Death was, you witnessed your parents die, and when Death left, he left you all alone, no one there for you. . . except for a white haired boy.

The deed was done, and the Dark Lord left, making sure you and Draco knew that soon you would be leaving to follow him and the other Death Eaters to Potter's safe house. You and Draco sat across from each other, in this immense distress neither one of you wanted to be touched or comforted. It felt much better to just sit in silence, and think about the terrible things that had just happened.
"I—" Draco started to speak, but his voice got caught in his throat.
Although you were the one to call out the killing curse, Draco was the one who had to order Nagini to feast upon Burbage's lifeless corpse. Bellatrix, Voldemort, and the other Death Eaters, all smiled and cheered as they watched you two kill an innocent women, and leave her to be mutilated by a viscous serpent. Neither you nor Draco smiled, or laughed, or said a single word as you stood there watching Nagini feast, and when everyone had left Draco had to pull you away from the now scarlet covered dining room table.

"You know, killing her wasn't hard. All I said was two words. . . It's the aftermath of it that burns my insides." You whispered looking down at your right hand that was holding your wand earlier.
"That's the point I guess, killing is easy, living with it is harder." Draco responded keeping his blue eyes locked on your twisted face.
The way you two spoke seemed off, it was like you had never spoken before and you both were filtering every word that left your mouth. The closeness with Death that you two now share was causing fear to bubble up in your stomachs, and your brains were trying to block out the memories of what had just happened, but Voldemort's voice rang clearly in the back of both of your minds.
"True supporters, dark souls, ambitious minds, and a blood thirst for those mudbloods and muggle lovers!"
Any day before today, you would have believed all of that to be false, and you would've shuddered at his claims. But every time you reflected back on that moment, when the flash of light hit her body, when you heard the sound of her corpse slamming across the table, you started to believe in what he said.
"He's right," You said, "This is who we are now."
Draco stood up, his body towered above yours for a second before he slunk down next to you, and grabbed your shaking hands. The contact made you melt, your stiffened body slowly leaned against him and you forced back tears.
"I guess we're killers then." He said as if he was settling on which pair of shoes to wear rather than reaching an epiphany on your lives. "But if I have to be like them, I'm glad your by my side."
"How do you say it so plainly?" You snapped back feeling much more irritated then comforted.

Draco didn't let go of your hands, but he did turn a bit so that he was fully facing you now. He smelled just like the amortentia, clean linen, broom polish, cologne. . .
"We knew this day was going to come. And it. . . Well it bloody fucking sucks,"Draco started to sound more and more angry, "It's so unfair, and so horrendous, but that's, well. . ."
His voice became louder as he came close to finishing his sentence, and your eyes reflected his pained expression. Draco moved slightly so that he was now in between your knees, and he placed his hands firmly on your shoulders, his faces just inches away from yours.
". . . That's our lives y/n. Tormented, disgusting, abusive, and fearful lives—"
You cut him off by pushing your lips against his, hoping that in the midst of all this the feelings of his lips against yours wouldn't change. And it didn't.
Draco leaned in closer, he was gentle as he lifted and icy cold hand to your warm cheek and gently pulled back from the kiss, admiring your tear stained face.

"I want to live that tormented life with you, no matter what." You spoke softly lifting your hand to meet Draco's. There was still such fear that cowered in his eyes that you felt like you couldn't place another kiss upon his lips, instead, you sat there just absorbing the feeling of his fingers intertwined with yours as you both loitered around in his darkened bedroom. 
However, a loud bang on the door distrusted the tender moment, and in walked Snape, his black cloak trailed behind him.
"It's time to go."
"Now?" Draco scoffed, standing up from the wood floors, his hand enclasped with yours and tugging you up.
"Unfortunately—yes." Snape said, pausing as he saw your bleak expression. Draco who usually opposed Snape's every breath walked out of his room, much too tired to argue, and much to sadden to allow another blow to his ego. You went to follow him out when Snape cleared his throat, which caused you to snap your head around and look at him.
"We need to. . . Well I need to discuss something with you."  He said, his pauses indicated a loss for words rather than a need for dramatic effect. You stood still, making it clear that he could continue and that you would stay and listen.
"These next days. . . This life I guess I should say—" He looked up at you and then his gaze returned to the distant wall. "It's grueling, a troublesome life for people who love fiercely and fight passionately."
"Ah you love fiercely?" You couldn't help but snicker.
However, Snape didn't laugh, in fact his face contorted in to an awkward grimace as he reflected upon some memory that must've resurfaced.

"I didn't wake up one day and decide to become a Death Eater. I didn't roll out of bed on a Monday morning and decide I wanted to kill the one man who allowed me to change my life." His nose crinkles as he spat out his words, "I, much like you, was deeply, madly, in love. And instead of trying to get over myself, instead of—of finding a way to deal with who I was. . . I turned to Voldemort, to darkness because I couldn't have love."
You stood still, as if your feet were glued to the ground and your arms were made of stone. These weren't words of encouragement, these were words of warning.
"I'm not following? I mean I'm sorry—sorry about all of that, but how does this correlate to anything that's going on now?" You questioned, feeling immense pity for the greasy haired man.
"Because it is quite obvious you love that twat, and I'm letting you know that love, love can lead to darkness, darkness leads to pathways that even I fear." Snape finally started to move, he walked right past you and right before leaving the room he spoke one last time.
"It is the very thing that we fight for, that could be the end of us."
And with those words he left, walking down the dark staircase of the Manor and out to the large neatly landscapes court yard to prepare for the strike on the new Order Of The Pheonix. You mulled over his words, wondering why he would warn you of this now? Surely some advice would've been great before you allowed the Dark Mark to be engraved upon your skin, but, how could you have done anything else? You didn't have options, you didn't have a choice, and neither did Draco.

"Y/n? Y/n, come on everyones waiting!"