Breaking the Code

Warmth

We're just going to pretend that I don't have a midterm in a few hours. I'm also going to pretend I'm still taking my meds. Yep so much pretending is going on. Lalalalalala. Enjoy. Loves!!

Sang

There are so many of them. Everyone in the room is staring at me and some are yelling. I can't handle it. I just gave these people more information than I've ever given anyone and they're yelling. Crawler and Brandon and Dr. Green and North. My breathing starts to speed up and everything fades a little.

Memories start flooding my mind. The yelling always yelling. No good, awful horrid, unlovable whore, slut. SHAME! I deserve to feel shame. No one would ever want to be near me. I am ruined, tainted, broken. The sounds of videos playing as she laughs. Her laughs as she beats me. Her laughs as she forces me to feel things I never wanted. Shame.

Everything is bright and loud until it isn't. I can't make out any shapes and her laughs echo through my head. SHAME. Something brushes my hand. A person, no! No! I can't, I won't! SHE CAN'T MAKE ME! Everything goes dark for a second and I remember where I am.

I slam my inner wall into place. I won't let them see everything spinning in my head. My breathing is shallow but they can't see anything on my face. It finally registers that it was Mr. Toma who brushed my hand. "It's okay Sang. It's okay." His whispers are quiet. I'm sure most didn't hear him.

Drawing my hand away from his I release the grip I have on the laptop coming fully back into the present. Looking around I catch the eye of both Mr. Toma and Owen. They saw my eyes before I realized anything. I feel my face flush deeply. Looking down at the computer to make sure I didn't do any damage I finish wiping the history and erasing the backdoor into my system. Can't have them getting in now can I?

I set the laptop aside and lock my eyes onto Mr. Toma who is still crouched in front of me. He backs away from me and returns to his original position. Looking all around the room many look at me with fear. They're afraid of me, they should be.

Standing I let my eyes pass over everyone again. Owen catches my look and nods his head slightly. He'll keep them here. With that I run. I'm out the front door before I hear anything from the front room. I'm in the forest before the door slams shut. I'm away.

I quickly scale a tree and leap through a few until I reach the large saw dust pile. I don't completely know why it's here but I don't care. No one comes back here so it makes a good escape place. Going as high as I can into the tallest tree I finally let all of the tears fall.
My arms are wrapped around my stomach and my mouth open in a silent scream as everything leaves me. By the time I'm done I feel empty. I'm okay with that though because the empty doesn't hurt. Everything else hurts.

Leaning back into the tree I listen to the sounds of the woods around me. The animal noises and sound of the wind softly blowing is calming. I start to count the different animal sounds when something else catches my ear. Someone is coming. I'm higher than anyone else can go because they'd be too heavy but that doesn't stop me from looking around frantically. Where are they?

Luke and Gabriel come into view as I let out a silent breath. They weren't yelling. I don't move. I barely breathe. I just wait, wait for them to pass. Wait for them to speak. Gabriel is the one to break the silence. "Where the fuck do you think she went?" He runs a hand roughly through his hair.

Luke shrugs and glances up. I know he saw me but he doesn't say anything. "I think, I think she needed space. Something that happened triggered something and she needed space. She'll come back when she's ready." He glances up to me when Gabriel is in front of him and I give a small nod.

That's exactly it. I'll go back after I get everything out and calm down. I might not go back today, but I will go back. I don't know how he knew. I don't think it matters how right now, but the fact he does sends a small piece of warmth into me. My stomach flares slightly with something. I think it's hope but I don't know. Quietly I watch as they keep walking while my mind plays over everything again until I'm calm.

I slowly make my way back through the trees until I can see Kota's house. All of the cars are still there so I know they haven't left. I've been in the trees for close to two hours I think but they stayed. Why? Why did they stay? They have the information now. They didn't have to but they did.

That small bit of warmth that I felt after Luke saw me builds slightly until it reaches my chest. The feeling is odd and slightly unnerving but not necessarily uncomfortable. I want to go back. I want to see Crawler and Brandon and everyone else but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can face them yet. I don't think I'm ready.

Taking a seat in the tree near the house with all the cars I watch. The sun starts to set and I still don't move. Everything is dark and I don't move. The stars are out and shining brightly yet I still don't move. Kota's mom comes home with his sister and I don't move. Someone, probably Kota, brings Max outside and I don't move. I sit there all night, not moving. No one left.

When the sun finally starts to rise I see people exit the house. We don't have school today and it doesn't look like they're getting into cars. I don't know what's going on until the breeze brings some of their words to me. "I saw her, she was okay, sad but okay. She'll be back." I would. I just don't know when.

At some point that morning most of them left. Only Kota, Owen, Sean and Corey stayed. I have to get home but I don't want to. I'm already going to be in trouble for being gone as long as I have. That is if anyone noticed. They might not have after everything that's been going on. Mrs. might have slept all day and night.

I swing myself a few trees over and drop to the ground. Sprinting across the street I quickly scale my tree and enter my room. I'm met with silence. No one noticed. I'm safe for now and can figure things out alone before I go back. Falling into my bed I doze lightly for a while until finally drifting off to sleep completely.