Inevitable

30 - S H O U L D . I ?

There are times in your life where you just sit and wonder:

Why?

It could be minutes, hours or even days where you just stare at the ceiling, asking yourself why.

And this is one of those days. 

I didn't expect Noelle to meet Axel this early on. To be completely honest, I was scared to show her my beast side since Axel isn't the friendliest person. To put it simply, he's barbaric and brutal. Don't get me wrong, I am too, but I'd never show that side in front of my Noelle. Never. Whereas he on the other hand, would do it with zero hesitation. 

But she does not fear my beast. 

Yet again, she's seen the ruthless side of me but she isn't afraid. 

She's just confused, and that is understandable. After being locked up for 10 years, Noelle is bound to be oblivious to the way vampires are, especially since she was surrounded by those dirty dogs. 

I can not put it into words how terrible I feel, and how disgusted I am with myself. Allowing my brain to trick me into touching other women was the biggest mistake of my life. I ruined any and every special first I'd get to experience with my angel and there's no going back. This is the consequences I have to face for my own actions. 

The looks of hurt on her perfect face absolutely shattered me. I was dreading the question but knew we'd have to tell her at one point. I wouldn't have been able to function if I kept my sexual acts a secret from the one person who matters most to me, even if that meant breaking mine, and her heart in the process. I refuse to keep her in the dark. 

My heart felt like it had been torn into two pieces, but who am I to be saddened by this? It's her feeling which matter the most at this very moment, and ever moment to ever come. 

She's only been here for a day and a half, and I've already f*cked things up with Noelle. Typical Easton, always has to go and ruin everything he touches. Who knows if she'll even trust me after this? I am the one she put all her faith in, I am the one she's been loyal too, I am the one she dreamt about daily, I am the one she clung onto whenever she was scared, I am the one she spilled her secrets to, I am the holder of her heart, and I betrayed her like she was nothing, when in reality, Noelle is everything to me.

Call me dramatic, but I can not stand the thought of Noelle not trusting me anymore, or her being scared, or angry at me. I can't bear it. 

"Are you... angry at him?", Axels voice brought me out of my thoughts and I eagerly listened, hoping to hear her sweet voice instead. She sighed and there was a long pause. 

Please say no  

"I-I don't know", she said and it was my turn to sigh. I don't blame her, but there's a part of me that wishes she'd look past it. 

"If he were to take back control right now, what would you say?", he quarrelled, clearly worried for me. Axel can feel everything that I'm feeling, and he can detect my stress from a mile away, which explains why he's asking such questions. 

"I don't really know how to be mad at people", she spoke so quickly I almost missed it. Axel couldn't help but chuckle. 

That's my Noelle, doesn't know how to be 'rude', as she would put it. 

"You're just too sweet, babydoll. You don't have to be nice to Easton, after all, he did basically cheat on you."

What is this motherf*cker doing? He's meant to be backing me up, not turning her against me ever more. I could practically smell the mischief in his voice, he's obviously doing it to piss me off.