𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞

Bittersweet

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Clair spoke softly against her shoulder.

"Is everything alright?" He understood she'd been with Ruby.

Florence could barely gather enough breath to form her sentence. "I'm well."

They waltzed nervously together across the floor. Nothing like Clair had imagined it to be like. He could feel how tense she was beneath her dress, it made him uneasy.

"I'm going to just sit for awhile. I hope that's alright." She announced shakily and tore herself from Clair's grasp.

He stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by happily dancing people. Like one droopy flower in a garden of bright tall sunflowers. Clair tried to keep his shoulders back, but he couldn't with his gaze focused on Florence as she hurried out of the ballroom. He was upset for her. He knew how she was so excited for today, yet everything felt off. With a sigh, he turned his direction and headed after her, knowing he shouldn't.

Clair tiptoed along the main hall to find her sitting halfway up the grand staircase which led to the west wing. Florence sat near the golden trimmed curving banister with her dress draped around her like wonderful rose petals. Clair observed this with the eye of a writer. His soft patter up the stairs made her eyes flicker up towards him. He hoped her faced would register some emotion at his presence, yet it stayed terribly blank even as he sat next to her.

"What is troubling you, Florence?" Clair asked protectively.

"This day has gone nothing like I planned. I hear you're leaving next week." She explained with a drawn look.

Clair wanted to rest his hand atop hers, but strangely, he felt it wasn't appropriate now. "I was going to tell you."

"I'm not upset about that." She told him shaking her head vigorously.

"Is it Ruby? Did he hurt you Florence?" Clair asked harshly, he'd already begun to stir.

"No, no." She called him back down to sit.

"You don't have to explain everything, I'm okay without answers." He let her know.

"Do you still love Cathryn?"

She'd caught him completely off guard. His gaze flickered everywhere but on her. Clair eventually settled his eyes on the large painting hung across from them. It depicted a woman clothes in long robes, she held a bowl of something he couldn't quite make out. Finally, his found voice found it's way to his lips.

"I think so." He didn't ask how she'd even found out.

"Do you think I love you?" Florence continued even though her hands shook.

Clair noticed this, his heart ached for her. Acting on his adoration, he pressed his hand firmly atop hers until her tremors subsided.

"What an odd question." He began in a dream like trance.

"I think you admire me. Florence, I don't think you're in love with me." Clair told her softly.

"I think I am." She whimpered with her own chin pressed to her chest.

"Shh." He whispered in a worried attempt to calm her down. Clair grazed his fingers atop her hand, tracing small shapes to help him focus on her words.

"As much as you love Ruby?" He inquired calmly.

Florence's eyes were squeezed shut. "I'm not sure. The both of you are so entirely different. Yet I love each second spent with you two in completely different ways."

"I think I understand."

"Do you love me as much as you love Cathryn?"

"Do you even love me at all?" Her breath hitched anxiously as she spoke.

"Of course I love you. You're wonderful, Florence." He spoke passionately.

"I'm scared this is all a waste, this will all end so soon. Once you leave it will be like I never even met you. Never had the time of my life." She muttered tersely.

"This isn't a waste, Florence. It's a magical chapter of our lives we'll never forget."

"Chapter of our lives, see. I adore the way you speak, Clair. I just don't know how to feel."

"It's okay to feel like you do. Trust me Florence, once I've left, a handsome young man with sweep you off your beautiful tiny feet and you'll love him too." He consoled her fervently.

"Yes! But you'll always be there! Tugging at the back of my mind, with every person I love, I'll have to feel the guilt of knowing I won't ever be able to love you!" Florence exclaimed angrily.

Clair stayed silent. Pesky tears tricked down Florence's flushed cheeks.

"Please just tell me something." She begged like a child.

"You won't be upset when I'm gone. Nor when Ruby is gone. I'll write you letters if you please. I'll do whatever you wish of me, Florence. A piece of me is hopelessly devoted to you. I know how you feel, I've felt it every second of the time I've been here. All I ask is that you remember me once I've left. But don't let it stop you from loving anyone please! Love freely, but don't forget what we had. Don't use another love as an excuse to forget all the moments we shared together. God, I love you, Florence." Clair poured his all knowing heart out to her on the steps of the Fawn estate that day. Something deep within him wanted to hold her in his arms forever. He never wanted to forget this fairy tale of a romance. The world felt as if it had listed slightly off center as he sat there next to her, listening to her labored breaths slowly become more even.

"I won't forget you, Clairence."

"You know I like how you say my full name."