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Jay~
I third wheeled Ally and Jake after Elle left for her meeting. I didn't really know what to say... maybe it's better for us not to talk. The more I hang out with Ally, the stronger my feelings get. I'm not saying I'm in love with her, but I'm confused... I'd rather be confused than to hurt anyone, so I'm choosing to just keep my distance.
"She seems really sweet. You two match each other very well." Ally talked to me for the first time today.
"Oh... thanks," I didn't know what else to reply. "You and Jake too."
We spent the rest of the day going on more rides, since we didn't wanna waste our passes. I was basically ignored the whole time, and the two lovebirds were out there living their best lives.
Ally seems very happy. It seems like the two are starting to get closer to each other, and it's quite admiring. I admit that there were times when I so badly wanted to interrupt them, but I'm not going fiddle with her life anymore... just as she asked me to.
I don't know why I'm being like this... why these thoughts are popping up in my head.
There were times where I just zoned out and imagined myself as Jake. Ally and I looked so happy together, and we felt so free. She smiled to me while we got onto the rollercoaster, holding my hand and openly telling me how much she loves me- "in case I fall off during this ride" she said. I grinned and kissed her cheek, telling her that there's nothing to be afraid of.
I slapped myself, taking myself out of that stupid fantasy.
I earned a stare from both Ally and Jake, so I waved my arms up to hopefully divert their attention. It's also weird to look at her after what I just thought of... no Jay, get your mind out of there.
Jake excused himself, while Ally and I waited in line to get dinner. We were finally allowed to enter the restaurant, and was seated at the very back. People recommended the clam chowder, so that's exactly what we bought. We're trying to get filled before the fireworks display later, in case it takes way too long.
"Are you mad at me? You've been avoiding me all day... it's getting way too often now where one of us holds a grudge against the other." Ally suddenly brought up. I really didn't wanna talk about this.
"You want to cut me off after this, right? I'm just preparing myself." I looked down and stayed quiet again. The happiest place on earth... definitely not for me.
"This will probably sound super selfish, but I didn't say I wanted to completely... just not so often. We have our own lives now." She said again. How many times has she said that? I fucking get it already.
"So you're basically gonna use me? I don't want that. You keep saying we have our own lives now, but that's complete bullshit. You keep calling me your best friend, but it's so easy for you to just cut me off."
"And you didn't use me for the past twelve years? You know how I felt for you, damn it! You knew I loved you the whole time, but you still kept asking me for advice about other girls. The things I noticed about you were due to how you treated me! I wanted a friend, but you were just obsessed with yourself. You still are right now... I'm just saying I want space, but you're making me the bad person... like you always do." Tears suddenly fell from Ally's eyes, and I swear I wanted to slap myself for making her feel that way.
She loved me... for twelve years.
This is news to me. I never knew she did- she never told me. Was I supposed to figure that out on my own?
"I'm so sorry." I mumbled under my breath, but it was barely audible.
"What's wrong?" Jake finally came back and tightly embraced Ally. She was shaking too much, that she couldn't speak. He glared at me and I just looked away. I'm such an asshole... I made her cry once again.
Jake attempted to calm her down, which took quite a while. We finally had our dinner, which seemed to have brought her mood back up. I felt like shit the whole time, and really wanted to leave already. Though it might make it worse if I do, so I decided to just stay.
We watched the fireworks display after, and it was definitely magical. The couple seemed to have loved it, and it for sure made them grow closer.
And as they grow closer, I get further away from her.
She loved me... past tense.
Why do I feel so regretful? Why am I beating myself up because she didn't tell me sooner? It's not like it's completely my fault, right?
If she told me she loved me then, what would I have done?
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I WASN'T GONNA POST TODAY BC IT'S NOT EVEN IN THE SCHED, BUT IK SOME OF YALL CAN'T CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY SO HERE'S MY LITTLE GIFT TO YOU<3 Thanks for 2k+ as well:)
ALSO,
TEAM JAY or TEAM JAKE ???
⭐️
Song: Day6 (데이식스) — I Loved You
(LYRICS: talks about how he wants to forget all the memories they have, but it's hard because he loved her too much. He wants to hate her, but he can't)
