A Journey to Trust and Heal

68- Time would tell

Important note:
All the methods mentioned in the chapters to cure Sia's problems and their results are fictional. Half of them are my imagination and other half is googled. So please Do Not try any of this. In case you have similar type of problem, please consult an elder and a doctor.

Diwali ended with a bang. Mom went back to home with lots of excitement to meet and talk with Tanya again.

If you think that my house was empty again then you are totally wrong as my friends had hijacked this place.

I didn't have any problem with them being here but the least they could do was smile.

They all had gathered to explain and start with the healing process of my problem. Their serious expressions were scaring me more than the actual process.

"Sooo....is there something wrong?", I asked raising my eyebrows while sitting beside Jiya on the floor.

As usual we all sat on the floor making a circle so that everybody could see each other.

"College is starting in two days. So it's not possible to give full attention on your problem as everyone would get busy. That's why we were telling to wait for another holidays but Rudra is not agreeing", Maitri spoke in irritation, pointing towards Jiya and Shanaya while mentioning 'We'.

"Did you even search properly? This problem is different from her nightmares. It won't get solved in few days or weeks. There's no meaning to wait for the holidays as this is going to be a life long process", Rudra stated his point.

"Wait, What?!" I asked in shock.

"What do you mean by a life long process?", I questioned not understanding what he meant.

Contradictory to the nightmare problem where I new bits of the process, this was all unknown to me as they did research for it when I was busy trying to get rid of my nightmares.

Rudra explained me in a calm manner, "Don't panic. It's just that this problem doesn't have a cure. It won't just go away".

"Then why are we here? If there's no cure then what are we discussing?", I asked getting annoyed.

"Problem can't be destroyed but it can be diminshed. We are going to try and minimize your fear", Jiya explained.

I sighed and told them to explain whatever they had found.

"Okay as per your symptoms, it seems you have Haphephobia. Not at an extreme level but it's not mild either. I won't go into too much scientific explanation but it's the fear of touch in layman's language", Jiya started the explanation.

"You kept saying that only victims suffered from this, it is not at all true. We also found out that even though majority of the cases are from such victims, it is also possible to get this phobia from another trauma or it can be even developed right from the birth. So you can take a breathe a relief, there's nothing wrong with having a phobia when you aren't a direct victim", Rudra said 'in a matter of fact' tone.

I sighed happily and sent Rudra a grateful smile. This information brought a lot of relief. After nodding at him to let him know that I understood, I turned to know more about this phobia.

Shanaya took out her diary and started speaking about what she had found, "It can be fear of touch from both the genders or a specific gender. In your case it is only one gender, right? As far as we know you get scared when a male comes near".

"Right?", I answered.

"To start with the process, we need to know if there is any male in your life that you trust completely?", Jiya asked expectantly.

I was going to name all the guys in my life- Raghav, Rishi, Rudra, Samar and Nikhil but Maitri asked me another question which left me with no answer.

"The man whom you can trust enough to go near. Like hugs or hand shakes", Maitri added to the Jiya's question.

I kept mum for a while as there was no one but then I remembered a person and spoke out his name, "Jay".

"Who is he?", Trio questioned simultaneously while Rudra gave me 'you have lost it' look.

"He is Rishi Sir's son. A five year old kid", Rudra answered instead of me with an annoyed look on his face.

"We aren't here for fun, Sia. Get serious", Maitri spoke angrily.

"There's no one", I muttered in a small voice.

"Ok no problem. Don't get upset. We will work around it. Is there any person in this town upon whom you can trust enough to try out this process? If there's no one, then we would have to call Raghav again", Jiya asked while simultaneously trying to calm me down.

"Rudra", I answered without even taking a second and as expected a smile perched upon his face hearing that I trusted him.

"Oh Goodie! Rudra you need to give your full time here from now onwards, okay?", Shanaya exclaimed while clapping her hands.

"What are we going to do?", I asked looking at all of them nervously.

"Sia, don't be scared. We won't do anything that would make you uncomfortable. The moment you can't take it, we will stop it", Rudra reassured me.

"Ok", I said clasping my hands.

"I won't come near to you but you will be taking the initiative. It can be anything - Standing near me, sitting besides me, shaking hands, a side hug, anything that you are able to. Try your best but don't overdo it. There's no rush, do it at your own pace but you will come first towards me", Rudra explained the starting process.

"But why me? Is it the recommended first step?", I asked curiously as the process would start way faster if Rudra takes the first step seeing it would take me years to gather courage to go near him.

"No, there's no particular sequence of process. We decided it because on more than one occasion you have hit him on his shoulders playfully without flinching.

We all came to a common conclusion that you didn't flinch because it was you who initiated the touch and plus you must have not even realized it that you were near him", Maitri answered my question.

"Well I think, you only get afraid when your mind knows that a male species is near. Your subconscious isn't afraid of touch", Shanaya put forward her opinion.

I sat there trying to settle all this information in my head. There was no doubt, I trusted Rudra but was that trust enough for me to lose my fear? Time would tell the answer as all I could do was to try my best.