ELYSIAN, the riordanverse

30

PAIN

Hazel holds out her shaking hand to her brother, silently asking him to stand up. 

He glances at her and all Hazel can see in his murky brown eyes is pain.

Nico looks down again, at the face of his lover and his lover's hair which had always seemed to look like rays of sunlight. He gazed at his lover's vivid blue eyes which are still open, but motionless and devoid of any life.

Nico grasps at the boy's hand. Carefully entwining their bloody fingers together, Nico's eyes brim with tears.

Why him? Why him, father?

The son of Hades looks at Will's face again.

So still.

So lifeless.

So dead.

Nico wipes a tear away and closes his lover's eyes. Nico's knees are bloody and scraped and his shirt torn. His face and body are completely covered in blood and his Stygian sword lays at a distance, it's tip drenched in blood from where it stabbed the heart of the monster.

Nico claws at the ground again, Why him?

Hazel's amber eyes well with tears as she watches her brother mourn the loss of his boyfriend. She falls to the floor and wraps her arms around him.

Nico grabs hold of her shirt, pulling himself closer to her. All he can feel is pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Nico can't feel anything but pain.

His heart had broken into two, one half leaving with his lover to the Underworld. And the other, so empty, Nico feels as if he didn't have a heart at all.

Will was the only thing keeping him going. 

Will was the only reason he'd stayed at camp.

Will was the only reason he'd stopped cutting.

Will was the reason he smiled everyday.

And now, now, Will wasn't there anymore.

As Nico sobs into Hazel's shirt, his emotions completely taking over, he wonders what one should do when their reason for living was taken away from them?

What does one do?

Nico sobs more. It floods into him like a sudden wave, filling every nook and cranny of his body. One thought repeats in his mind, one sentence which sets Nico's world ablaze.

Will was dead.

Will was dead.

Will was dead and he didn't do anything.

Nico shakes his head, no, Will told him that he shouldn't randomly start blaming himself.

Will had told him not to always carry everything on his shoulders.

Will had told him that feelings demand to be felt.

And so, Nico listens to his lover's words.

He lets his feelings be felt.

He lets his heart take over.

He lets himself kneel on the soil, next to his boyfriend's body and sob into his sister's shirt until everything feels ok again.

But Nico knows nothing would ever be ok. Not now, not when Will was dead.

***

Nico punchs the wall, his knuckles bleeding from hitting the wood.

But he doesn't care.

Nico continues to punch the wall. The wood breaks as he throws one final punch and collapses on the floor. Nico pulls his knees to himself and rolls up in a ball. Burying his face in his knees, Nico remembers something Will had said once.

'Aww, Neeks!' Will says, looking at his boyfriend who's rolled up in a blanket, sitting on his bed. Will walks over to Nico and plops down next to him.

Will pulls at his cheeks, 'Look at your little blanket burrito.'

Nico laughs and pushes Will away. Will smiles and moves closer to Nico, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.

The memory flashes before Nico's eyes and yet again, the son of Hades is reduced to nothing but pain.

His body wracks with sobs as his tears flow down his cheeks. He rubs at his eyes, the warm slickness of his tears coating his fingers. Why Will? He mutters under his breath. Why the person I loved most?