Spotlight |h.s|

Thirty

Harry Styles

My eyes slowly open and I feel the soft cushions of my couch beneath me, pressing against my front side. The sun is shining into the living room from my glass door due to me forgetting to close the curtain last night. I have no blanket on me, just a pillow beneath my right cheek.

I squint as the rays of sunlight puncture into my now open eyes, my corneas burning and my palm coming up to cast a shadow over my face as I turn so I'm laying on my back. I see Aubrey laying there on the other couch, eyes closed and breathing steadily. Her arms are hugging her knees as she curls herself into a little ball on her side. I can't believe she fell asleep in a dress and leather jacket.

One of my pillows is laid over her body to serve as a sort of blanket, her cheek smushed up on the other pillow beneath her head. Her hair is laying to the sides of her, remaining out of her face and allowing me to look at it.

I don't know why I invited her in, I don't know why I said some of the things I did, and I don't know why I feel... guilty about the whole Niall thing. Why would I feel guilty? It's Aubrey. Also, that word is hardly ever in my vocabulary to begin with. Why is it now?

She looked so upset about everything and even started crying. She has no idea that I played a part in her getting ditched, of course. I can't tell her about that. Despite this being my doing to begin with, I invited her in. Before I had the chance to tell myself not to, I was grabbing the whiskey I was previously drinking alone and offering her some. It was an immediate reaction. I couldn't stop it. I have absolutely no idea why, but it was.

I watch as she lays almost completely still, her only movements being from the deep breaths she's taking. My eyes start to adjust to the light since I'm facing it by looking at her, them slowly peeling all the way open. She looks really peaceful right now. I miss that feeling.

I can't have that feeling in the way I want anymore. I can't take coke to make me feel that. I can't let myself become dependent on drugs again. I won't allow anything to control me like that. So until I can find a way to soberly find peace, I have to work with finding comfort in the chaos that is my rapid thoughts and completely wild mind.

My phone abruptly rings in my pocket, the ringer being on and making me jump. I quickly pull it out and answer it without reading the name, clearing my throat since I just woke up a second ago. 

"Hello?" I rasp out as I try to recover from the sudden startle the sound of the ringing gave me. My heart is beating a little faster and my breath isn't as steady anymore.

"I'm bored. I'm coming over." Louis' voice fills my ear, my eyes widening since I can't let that happen for obvious reasons.

He can't come in here and find Aubrey on my couch.

Speaking of, I notice her stir awake, eyes opening to reveal the small amount of black makeup beneath them that almost makes her look like a panda. I'm assuming it's from her mascara. She sniffs and pushes her hair out of her puffy face, sending me a little tired smile.

I flatten my lips into a line to acknowledge her and nod lightly, watching as she pulls down her dress to cover herself correctly while straightening out her legs so she isn't in a ball anymore. Her cheek is still smushed against the pillow beneath her as she watches me take my call.

We hold eye contact for a minute, her saying nothing and me doing the same. We just stay looking at each other for a while without any sort of reason in a comfortable form of silence. Nothing needs to fill it. It's not awkward, oddly enough.

"Are you deaf?" Louis speaks up again, my eyes widening and quickly leaving hers as I get myself out of whatever daze I was just in.

The fuck was that?