Clarity ~ m.c.

•Chapter 40•

***Lauren's POV***

It's been a ruff couple of days. I feel like shit and sore like crazy and the pain never goes away. Even with the medication there's still pain lingering everywhere. Even when I sleep it's almost like the pain gets worse because that's when I actually see him, my dad. Every time- sorry more like every night- I wake up screaming from nightmares and every time someone is there to try to restrain me, calm me down and or give me medication to unwillingly calm me down.

***

"Oh good your up." My nurse, Jacqueline, said to me as she walked in my hospital room. I woke up earlier from the anesthesia faster than expected, which must be a better sign.

"Okay Lauren, so I have to change your bandages today." Jacqueline said trying to sound pleasant. Since I have 3 fractured ribs my chest has been kept in tights bandages to keep them sill and from moving; like soft bandages instead of a cast.

She helped me sit up causing a shock wave of pain through my body. She carefully unwrapped the previously bandages. It was very embarrassing as my chest became exposed... I was just really happy that my nurse was a girl and that she shut the door. My chest was covered with bruises I couldn't even look down at them without a flash of a memory coming back. What am I going to do about the Olympics? They are next week, I have to leave in a few days to head over to Brazil.

"Do you think I'll be able to compete?" I asked Jacqueline as she started re wrapping my rib cage.

"It's hard to say. Honestly it's up to you." She said quietly. "I've seen people let incidents tear them down while others rise to the occasion. It's up to you Lauren, I know along with everyone else who visits you and supports you that you can do it. But if you let this get the better of you then your letting everyone who ever doubted you win, including your father." She said to me as she finished taping up my new bandages. "You can do it Lauren, if you power through the pain."

I sat there quietly think about what she was saying. As she cleaned up she turned back to me.

"You know, everyone is always faced with a struggle in life. I don't think it's the will of trying to get through it that makes us strong; it's the things that gets us through it." She added as she went to put the supplies away.

When she said this I thought of what my mom was trying to tell me in my dream the other day.

You're a fighter." She echoed back. "I've seen you do it."

"How would you know, you're gone you can't feel the pain I've felt, I can't go on like this." I cried out into the oblivion.

"Yes you can." The echoes continued.

"How?"

"Gymnastics." She whispered. "The boy."

"The boy?" I repeated thinking who in fresh hell she was refusing too, that's when I got the person.

"Michael?" I asked.

"Yes." Her voice hissed.

Is this what my mom meant? That the things that helped me and we're going to help me get through my pain and struggles were right in front of me the whole time? Gymnastics has always been my life; my escape. So I can understand how gymnastics could get me through this, but Michael has also been a source to some of my struggles. But I did over come those struggles, I counter argued with myself. He was so good for me, yet at the same time so bad. When I'm with him it's like a rush, I feel complete because at the same time there's always excitement there waiting to happen. I can't help but to smile when I'm with him because he makes me forget all the bad things that have happened to me. He brings out the better, raw and sensitive part of me and tears down the walls I spent so long building up. Yet then when he's gone.... The walls go right back up.

"Oh and by the way." Jacqueline said snapping me out of my thoughts. "You have visitors." She smiled as my teammates, Doc and Brendan walked in my hospital room.

"Hey." Grace greeted my softly as the all stood around my bed.

"How are you feeling?" Madison asked quietly.

"Better than a few nights ago, but still like I got hit by a truck." I said truthfully. "But I think once I'm back in my element competing next week, I'll feel better."

"Wait your still going to compete?" Ivy said sounding a little shocked.

"Yes." I said confidently.

"Lauren I don't know if that's a good idea-" Doc and Brendan, especially Brendan (since he's a physical trainer too) started to protest.

"Um do you know how long I've been training for the Olympics, not only this past year but my whole life?" I asked rhetorically. "I'm going to compete."

"Lauren you have three fractured ribs, your mussels are tight and you could hurt yourself even more." Brendan tried to reason with me.

"Brendan I'm not throwing away all my hard work I've done, hell all the work we've done in order to make the team and now when the Olympics are so close we're just going to throw away! It's not going to happen." I rebutted. "I've worked to hard to get where I am now and I'm not going to let it be taken away from me. I am going to compete even if it kills me."

"Now that's the speech of not only a fighter, but a champion." Doc smiled.

**

My teammates decided to keep me company for the day and we hung out talking and laughing most of the time.

"Let's watch a movie." Madison suggested.

"Yes Madison lets just whip out a DVD and laptop out of thin air." Cleo said sarcastically and we all laughed.

"Are you kidding they have movie channels on here, we'll just flip around till we see something we like." I said and they all agreed as I got the remote and started flipping through the channels while my friends got comfortable.

"Wait go back!" Ivy startled us as I flipped back a channel. "Unbroken just started, I heard it's really good lets watch that!" She said hopefully.

"I heard it was based on a true story." Grace added.

"Alright, sounds good to me." I agreed.

Madison turned the lights off and we all sat back to watch the movie. It was so good, I felt that I could almost relate to Louis Zamperini and his struggle. Then from the film, came the two quotes that inspired me the most: If I can take it, I can make it and A Moment of Pain is worth a Life Time of Glory. These quotes spoke to me, especially to my situation now. He was a true fighter who had so many more struggles than I did being in a prisoner of war camp; he was practically on the brink of death and he fought through because if he could take it he would make it. Using this to my advantage, I was not going to let this bump in the road with my father be the result of my failure. I'm going to go to the Olympics and I was going to go down fighting.

The movie was about half way over all my teammates ending up falling asleep, but I was to involved in the movie to fall asleep it was that good. As I sat there watching the movie that's when Michael walked into my hospital room. Just the sight of him made my heart skip a beat. I still loved him like crazy and the fact that he was coming to visit me warmed my heart.

"Hey." He whispered as he quietly walked over to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, whispering as well.

"I've been coming to see you everyday, why wouldn't I come?" He quietly chuckled. "But I can see that your a little busy right now with your friends so I'll come back later." He said a started to walk away from my bed back towards the door.

"Wait." I stopped him, grappling his hand before he was out of reach. "Stay." I whispered.

"What?" He asked a little shocked.

"I want you to stay." I repeated myself as I moved over in my bed so he could lay down and watch the rest of the movie with me. A big smiled appeared on his face, which ultimately made my heart melt. He kicked off his shoes and climbed in the bed, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders so I was snuggled up into his side and could use his chest as a pillow.

"It means a lot to me that you came." I whispered.

"I'll always come back for you." He told me as he kissed the top of my head and we watched the movie together.