Twenty Two- "Little Red Dress"

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Lucas and I aren't dating

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Lucas and I aren't dating.

So, hence I should feel no need to be angry by what he is doing to me right now.

He stated he like me, but he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend. We were both clear on that.

Yes, I wanted more, but I wasn't going to sit there and beg for Lucas to finally conform to me.

It was stressful and I was tired of it. I felt like I was being hung on a stick for Lucas's pleasure. He comes to my room when he wants me and I give in. I'm weak. But, then in school and other places, he holds me at bay. He talks to me, but he doesn't try for us to be any closer to draw any kind of attention.

One day I got fed up and asked him to tell me what he means about his relations with Sally. What he meant when he said that they were in something deeper than I can imagine.

He, instead, brush off the conversation. Telling me that I don't need to hurt my pretty little head about it.

I tried another day for him to at least tell me more. Not the whole thing, but more. He got angry, spewing "Why am I even worried about him when I have Levi".

The words shut me up.

So, I did what he said and took my attention away from something that was draining me. It wasn't what I needed to put my energy in, obviously.

The result of me minding my business made Lucas turned into some sort of player in the following days.

Every day in the halls he had another girl sucking on his neck, kissing their cheek, or basically feeling them up.

The first time I was livid and I went to approach them, but Madi stopped me. Shaking her head and reminding me that Lucas was not indeed worth it.

That we weren't dating and I was only going to embarrass myself like last time. So, as much as I felt long nails scraping over my heart as I passed by him, I did nothing.

I did nothing when we had Physical Education and he had one of the cheerleaders practically riding him on the bleachers. I practically just run until I couldn't feel my lungs anymore.

I did nothing when I went to my locker and saw him pulling a girl into an empty class before winking over to me.

I did absolutely nothing when we sat in class and he practically was whispering dirty things to Lizzie behind me. Loud enough for me to hear. Dirty enough for me to feel my heart shatter with every word.

I don't want it to hurt me, but it does. It just does and I hate myself for even falling in like with one of the members of the Bad Crew.

I knew they were trouble when they walked in.

However, my situation was not like Madi's own.

The more Lucas and I filled in the line between us to make it thicker, the more she and Flint practically erase theirs. They were cute and understanding of one another.

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