Secrets (wolfstar)

Part Twenty-Nine

"Where have you been all morning?" James asked with the tone of a mother who's child had snuck out.

"Library." Sirius replied plopping down next to his best mate on the couch closest to the fire. This of course was not true. Him and Moony had been off in some empty classroom enjoying the fact quidditch practice had been canceled due to the weather. "Had to finish my muggle studies homework."

"You've had a lot of muggle studies work recently" James said slightly suspiciously. "I thought it was an easy course."

Sirius had been using the excuse of muggle studies for his time with Remus since it was the only class he took without the Mauraders.

"Yeah, I guess they just want us ready for our NEWT's" Sirius said trying to keep his voice casual.

"Was Moony there?" James asked an eyebrow raised.

"He's always in the library. You can put your bloody eyebrow down." Sirius said with a snort of annoyance.

"Yes I'm sure you two curled around books looking longly at each other is some real straight bro-time" James said his eyebrow still annoyingly raised.

Sirius had to fight hard to keep from snickering at that. Because if James knew him and Remus were actually pressed against each other doing a good impersonation of Frank and Alice, he would maybe have more to say about the straight bro-time.

"Come on, we both know you are into him." James said finally letting his eye brow fall and his face became more sincere "Why won't you talk to me about it? I talk to you about girls all the time."

"You talk to me about girl" Sirius said finding it amusing that James thought he had ever talked about any other girl than Lily Evans. But he did feel a little guilty. He knew James thought he wasn't talking about his feelings cause he was scared James would judge him for being gay. This had caused James to start randomly trying to show how comfortable he was with gay people. Even if it funny as it was to watch James threaten to curse someone with his wand pulled because they said it was better to do it straight. And even funnier to watch him apologize after an almost in tears second year Hufflepuff boy explained he was just talking about proper wand hold for Beetle Buttons spell. He knew that keeping his friend in this state of guilt was cruel. And he did wish he could explain what was swirling around in his mind all day. But he had promised Remus he would keep their stituation private and he owed Remus so much.

"If there were other girls I would tell you though" James muttered annoyed.

"Fine" Sirius said glancing around. There had to be a middle ground here. A way to talk about how confused he was without actually relieving what was going on. "I may have some complicated feelings for Remus that aren't so straight dude bro-time or whatever you call it."

James looked like a kid on Christmas. He was bouncing up and down gripping the side of the couch.

"I could be a double best man" He said "I'll fight Pete over it. I wanna be both your best man. He can be flower girl."

"Okay calm down flower girl" Sirius said smiling a little but knowing this moment would never come. "That's not happening."

James' smile never wavered. "Of course it will"

"For one thing I don't we could even legally get married" Sirius started but James just shrugged.

"Since when were any of us big on laws?" James said and Sirius couldn't help but smile a little at this.

"And more importantly Moony he doesn't-" Sirius struggled to find words to describe what was going on. He wasn't sure if the english language had an expression for I was a complete dick to my friend but now we make out a little, sometimes more. But I was such a dick there is no way he'll ever trust me again. "He doesn't want that"