Secrets (wolfstar)

Part Thirty-Two

"So you two are shagging?"

Sirius ear went red and he couldn't tell if this annoyed him or not.

"Not exactly, we've done some stuff-" Sirius rambled fiddling with his broom as they walked down to the pitch. No one else was down yet as James wanted to have a warm up fly before his first practice as team captain "You are missing the point."

"Oh I most defiantly am" James said "Because to me it sounds like you are dating"

"We aren't."

"Then I am definitely missing the point because yes you are" James said.

Sirius hadn't known what he excepted from trying to explain what he was doing too James. James was a sappy sod always had been. He'd pined after one girl since he was 11 and now he was finally close to getting her he was killing himself trying to pull off romantic surprises and dying to have her as his girlfriend. This just wasn't how him and Remus were.

"No we aren't" Sirius said with a shrug.

"But you fancy him!" James said as if annoyed "It's not just like you want a snog. right?"

"Of course not, I mean it's Moony I'd never-" Sirius said now feeling a heat on the back of his neck which he couldn't tell if was from anger or embarrassment "Of course I fancy him."

"So why aren't you two just dating properly, this whole 'friends with benefits' sounds ridiculous to me." James said like his opinion was fact.

"Well maybe he doesn't fancy me." Sirius replied bitterly.

"Oh merlin not this again." James said "I've only known about you and Moony for 3 minutes and I'm already sick of the Moody Moony and Pouting Padfoot love story."

"Bugger off" Sirius said but he was grateful that the two had made it to the Quidditch pitch so they could start flying and stop talking.

He was glad he'd said it though. Even if James didn't understand. It was like he'd set free a cage full of pixies which had been rattling around in his brain. Telling James made space for him to think again.

James was a natural as team captain. Despite the fact he had been branded a misfit as soon as he got to Hogwarts he managed to command respect on the pitch. And even with the lost of their captain it was looking like Gryffindor had a good chance at winning the cup.

Halfway through the practice he saw that Remus and Lily had come down and were watching the practice while also it seems quizzing each other on History of Magic. A wave of fondness rushed over him as he thought about both James' and him having their people come to watch them fly. But he realized that wasn't what was happening, and his heart sunk again.

As practice ended James flew down and landed gracefully in the stands next to Lily kissing her cheek in place of a hello. She pushed him off saying he was sweaty but it was all done in such a domestic and fond way. Sirius landed more awkwardly near Remus, and didn't get to kiss his cheek.

"Hiya Moony" He did say cheerifully trying to mask any confusion or sadness he was feeling.

"Hi" Remus mumbled.

James raced through the shower and changing processes, clearly excited to get some time alone with Lily before the Marauders meeting they had scheduled for later. Sirius didn't complain as James raced off because it left him and Remus alone in the change room.

"I still have to shower" Sirius said with a smirk.

It was a little rougher then they were used to perhaps because Sirius was feeling confused and desperate. Any physical connection with Remus seemed to defog his brain and sustain him. So as he pulled Remus' into the shower he finally started to feel like he could understand himself. Ultimately Sirius was just glad they didn't slip on the on wet tile in the shower.