Secrets (wolfstar)

Part Thirty-Four

Sirius wasn't naive. He knew everything wouldn't change instantly. They weren't Lily and James and wouldn't start snogging all over the castle. Most people who they could tell already knew. 

But to him it still felt different. In some ways it was like they were working backwards. They started with bursts of energetic lust. It started with them shoving each other against classroom walls, or locking bathroom stalls. Though that didn't end, they were able to slowly build the other areas of a relationship. It was almost like getting to him all over again.

When Remus' legs bounced with nerves Sirius could place a hand on his knee to calm him. Or when Sirius' blood would start to boil when he saw Regulus sputting pureblood non-sense Remus' would brush their hands together to distract him. They both learned the other had nightmares. It felt strange knowing that for 6 years both of them had been waking in a cold sweat, scared, and alone. How many nights had Sirius been laying unable to sleep, wishing he could talk to someone about it, while Remus had been doing the exact same. But now when one of them started tp panic in their sleep, the other would crawl closer, gently wake them, and whisper sweet words until they went back to sleep. 

 Unfortnately for Sirius exams were around the corner and Remus had retreated into his studying cacoon. So their time together was limited. Sirius was facing a level of boredom he had never experienced at Hogwarts. Peter was behind in all of his courses and even when he wasn't studying his worrying made him a boring companion. And James was constantly off with Lily.

"You need to be nicer to her" Remus said and Sirius was surprised he was even listening. He'd been ranting at a whisper about James blowing him off because Lily needed help with tranfiguration. So he'd come to the library to bother Remus while he studied. 

"I am plenty nice to her" He huffed, Remus didn't say anything just continued to go over his notes. "I've always been nice to her. I like Evans"

"Yeah but it is different now" Remus said. 

"How?" Sirius huffed aware he was acting immature but also aware that Remus would put up with it. 

"She's James' girlfriend now" Remus stated

"Why does that mean I have to be nice to her?" 

"James is being nice to me" 

Sirius was gobbed smacked by this. He stared at Remus who was still just looking at his book. 

"That is different" He said passionately and Remus finally looked up at him and smiled fondly. For a second he forgot what they were talking about and was struck by the fact that Remus was looking at him fondly. He was angry and Remus still found a way to be fond of him. God he was precious 

"You and James have always been best mates" Remus started and Sirius interrupted again. 

"You are our best mate too" Sirius said. 

"I know but it was different with you two." Remus didn't seem angry about this so Sirius didn't deny it. Because it was true, his friendship with James had warped so exstientfully through the years that now it was hard to tell what was brotherhood, what was friendship, and what was co-dependency. "You're the brother he never had and-"

Remus stopped and looked away from Sirius apologetically. Sirius wonder if Remus had actually forgotten for a moment Sirius had a brother or if he was just thinking that Regulus doesn't count. 

"James is the closest thing I've got to a brother" Sirius said thinking of finding Regulus levating a muggleborn first year the day prior. He had a melicous look in his eyes that was too familar. He was one of them now.