Secrets (wolfstar)

Part Twenty

Sirius had to hear Remus crying, for hours. It didn't start right away. Sirius expected he was waiting for Sirius to go to sleep. But there was no way Sirius could, he felt sick. How could he say that, why was he acting like that. He didn't deserve Remus in any capacity. And here Remus who hadn't done anything wrong was sobbing quietly into his pillow, over his words.

So both boys looked sleep deprived the next morning as the sun streamed into the dormitory. At first James and Peter did not notice anything, but before the boys headed to breakfast Remus cleared his throat as if to speak and everyone turned to look at him.

"So I've been thinking, about the full moon this week" Remus said and their was an awkwardness but resolution to his tone "and it is too dangerous, I don't want you guys there."

For a full thirty seconds there was silence as if everyone was excepting him to say he was joking. Everyone was still mid getting ready, Peter was slippping his shoes on, James was spreading the annoying amount of time on his hair he always did, and Sirius was closest to the door ready to go, but he moved his hand from the hand doorhandle and move back to his bed to sit down before he did something stupid like pass out or throw up.

"We are coming." James said like a fact "you're off it of course we are coming."

"It's dangerous for you guys to be there." Remus repeated unconvincing.

"It's dangerous for you to be there on your own! We spent all last year becoming Animagus in to help you, and it's been working." Sirius intergeted passionately remembering how much worse Remus injuries were before the friends became Animagus. "Don't be daft Remus."

"Oh so I'm daft now too." Remus said with a bit of edge in his voice that was rare for him.

"Too?" James said his gazing looking between to two.

"He's right though" Peter said "They'll chain you up again Moony."

"I dont care it's better this way." Remus said crossing his arms and avoiding eye contact with everyone.

James walked over to Remus, and put a hand on his shoulder, which forced Remus to look up at him.

"Remus don't do this okay. Just tell us what's wrong please. We can help you. We've been through this before we didn't think you were a monster when we found out you were a werewolf or when you came out. We are your friends we want to help. We won't judge you." James said and he was clearly desperate. And Sirius knew Remus was thinking that what James said wasn't true, cause Sirius had been so harshly judging him. "Please this could kill you."

"I'll be fine" Remus said shrugging off James' hand though Sirius could tell it hurt him a little "I'm going to breakfast."

He turned and left leaving a stunned and desperate room behind him. The group just looked at each other for a moment stunted unable to speak. Remus was usually the senesable one. Telling them not to land their brooms on the roof of the school, or practice hexes on each other. But now here he was insisting on perhaps the most dangerous thing any of them had ever come up with. And it was all Sirius' fault. 

"He is gonna get himself killed" James said in a tone of disbelief. The other two just nodded still shocked "we all remember how much worse his injuries were before right, like this is insane."

"It's his choice" Sirius said grimly.

"No it's bloody not." James said a little angry now "Let's just go anyways. We know were he will be, we can help."

"If we do that, he might just drop out, or start going home for full moons, so he won't have Dumbledore or Madame Pompfrey and it'll be even more dangerous." Sirius said rationally, which was difficult for him cause his feelings where making him incredibly irrational. He had never hated himself more, his parents were  right about everything. He'd disappointed them, hurt them, and now he was doing the same. The only difference was this time the person he hurt didn't deserve any pain, he deserved only kindness.