You will be mine

Chapter 5

"When are you leaving?" I question Tessa curiously. "I think we leave tomorrow morning. Tom doesn't want to visit his parents so we will attend the reunion and the next day we fly back." Tessa explained. "Okay," I reply shortly.

"When exactly do you return?" Tessa asked me while opening the door of our favorite coffee shop. "I'll leave on Wednesday. I want to spend a few days with my family because it's been a while since I've seen them." I reply with mixed feelings. I'm happy to see them again, but that stupid reunion gives me some mixed feelings. I'll be relieved when it's all over and I'm peacefully laying in my former bed.

Hopefully, Anne and Kai are happy to see me again, or it will get very awkward. Cody will join us as well, so I'm thrilled my brother will have my back. He knows what I've been through and together we watch each other's back. Besides, he coaxed me to go to that stupid reunion. I would rather gather everyone I like to go to a club than to go to a reunion where everyone will be there. Everyone except for Michael. He never went to any reunion since he moved to New York.

Tessa orders her latte and I order a simple black coffee. "I still can't understand you drink your coffee black." Tessa chuckled, seating herself across from me. "Me neither," I reply with a big smirk on my face. "I learned to drink coffee because of school. You know I needed it badly to stay awake during exams." I chuckle. "How could I forget? You were a true addict back then." Tessa laughs. I laugh, by hearing her funny laughter.

"How's Vince doing lately?" Tessa asked with too much enthusiasm, her big eyes on mine. "He's good, I think. We're just friends, Tessa." I sigh at her overly active posture. "Whatever," She shrugs with a big smile. "You don't know it, yet." She responds cheerfully. "What don't I know?" I ask her while sipping from my cup of coffee. "That he's perfect for you. I saw you two laughing in the hallway yesterday. He makes you laugh, Sofia. I've never seen a man making you laugh before." Tessa explained with a bright smile.

I look down in my coffee cup, hoping to find an image or a clue of my future. "I know he makes me laugh. I like him, but it's too soon to pretend there's something more." I explain to her seriously. "It's understandable, Sofia, but give it a chance. Maybe your feelings can grow in time." Tessa explained softly. "You're right, Tessa. I promise you to give it a chance when I'm back from Oregon." I murmur. "Great!" Tessa squeals happily. I flash a smile toward her, because of her crazy response a few curious heads turning in our direction.

I giggle and shake my head. "Changing subject," Tessa blurted. "Tell me everything about Tom's ex's at the reunion. I want to get to know the young Tom Fineck." She smiles sheepishly. "Do you?" I frown at her weird suggestion. "Yes, good or bad. I need to know if he has changed." She tells me softly, her smile faltering. "Did he do something ordinary these days? I thought you talked it through with him?" I whisper slowly. "I don't know if I can trust him. It is the small things that keep me on edge with him. For instance, his phone. He never leaves it in my presence. If he needs to shower, he takes the phone with him, isn't that strange?" She asked me seriously. I swallow and turn my gaze toward her. "Tessa, you know how I think about him and his past. Maybe he has changed, but I'll believe it when I see it." I explain to her softly. "That's fair enough," Tessa responds softly before drinking from her latte.

"I need to leave in five minutes or else I'm going to be late at the airport," I inform her with a small smile. "Yeah, I need to pack for tomorrow too when I'm back home," Tessa explained to me with a bright smile. "Then I'll see you at the reunion. Have a safe flight!" Tessa tells me and I pull her in a tight embrace. "I'm glad you'll be there at the reunion. Maybe I can introduce you to my old friends if they want to talk to me." I explain to her. "Why wouldn't they? You're a good person, Sofia, of course, they will understand you." Tessa murmurs in my ear. I nod and make my way to the door, glancing back toward Tessa who smirks at me before I leave the coffee shop.

One day later

"Mom, do you know what time Cody comes home? Will he join us for dinner before the reunion?" I ask mom from the bathroom. "He can arrive at any minute. He wouldn't want to miss dinner with the entire family." Mom shouts cheerfully. "Of course he wouldn't." I chuckle.

I turn back to my old room and place my fresh clothes in the closet. Every time I stay in Oregon with my family, I desperately try to avoid my room as much as possible. There are too many memories in this room I try to keep aside of me. My depression, the good and the bad memories with Michael and not to mention the terrifying time of mom's illness. Too many memories to keep hidden in my small room. Too many memories to endure every time I'm here.

My life has changed drastically since I moved to Arizona. I became happy again. I enjoyed manly attention and found my perfect job. I couldn't be happier than I was a year ago, but the feeling is changing. Being alone all the time makes you yearn for more. A life I can share with someone else. My house filled with new, wonderful memories. A new beginning with someone else. A fresh start with no chance of getting hurt would be wonderful, but it isn't realistic.

Even Vince, a respectable man, I can't fully trust him. It's hard to believe I had several one-night stands with handsome guys during my tuition. I think I wanted to feel something else than hurt and pain. I needed to feel wanted again, to feel desirable without presuming it would be something more the next morning. It was all too easy back then, and I'm grateful my parents know nothing about that time or my vulgar behavior would horrify them.

They wouldn't understand why I did that. Why I had sex with several guys just to forget him. And the fucked up part was I wanted to be touched again like he always touched me. I wanted to feel him, that he would touch me like he always does. I always hoped he would see me with them so he could feel the pain he left behind. The pieces he broke inside of me hurted so much I tried everything to hide from it. But I'm truly ashamed of myself because this wasn't the real me. I'm embarassed I wasn't stronger than that. That I hadn't had more self-worth. Eventually it doesn't matter what I did because he has never loved me.

Nobody needed to see how broken and fragile I was, after I promised myself to stay strong.It was all a divergent and nothing more. The weirdest thing that happened was I often saw his face in crowded rooms. I frequently thought I went crazy, but in time I forgot about him and his face faded away with the crowds.

But I'll never forget the contours of his face.