Loving Kinnick

People Go Crazy Trying To Fix Things They Don't Understand

Energy sparked through my body as if someone hooked jumper cables to my heart. Every cell in my body woke up when he brought his lips to mine. Kissing Kinnick wasn't like kissing anyone else. Our lips touching reminded me of feeling alive, and I tried to make sense of that as I touched my lips. For as many hours as I stared at myself in the mirror, I couldn't.

I felt like a firecracker who had finally been lit. I couldn't stop myself from jumping up and down with excitement as he left. And I wondered if he felt the same. I danced around my room like a middle school girl who just had her first kiss. While I felt childish, I felt happy. Is it so wrong if it makes me feel so happy?

"Mom," I looked up at the now midnight sky, scattered with stars. "We kissed!"

I wondered how different life would be if she were here. I talked to the sky as if she were. The weeks leading up to this moment were nothing but a memory, ones I shared with the stars, hoping that one of them was my mom and she could hear me. She probably grew sick of hearing Kinnick's name popping up. I couldn't help it. I had to tell her about the man my father hated but made me feel more myself than I have in a while.

"Sorry, we kissed on your swing," I shied with flushed cheeks. "I shouldn't have been in his lap, but it just happened. We could have done it somewhere else. I don't know what I would have done if dad came home. One thing is for sure. I would have probably been up there with you if he had. Kinnick and I both would have."

I fiddled with the book pendant on my neck as I talked to her. Would she be laughing at me? Probably. She loved how awkward I was. I never failed to make her smile. Seeing her smile was something I missed, especially at hours like this.

I sigh. "You'd still be alive if it weren't for me. I should have never asked you for a ride that night."

Like I did every time I reminded myself it was my fault she's not here, I cried. During that time, I fell asleep next to the window blowing large gusts of air in.

The following morning, I woke up with crusty eyes. I failed to realize the leaves that broke into my room last night. They made themselves known when I crunched them underneath my feet. It was as if my mom stayed with me, and she was making her presence known.

When Chrissy picked me up, I failed to mention my kiss with Kinnick. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell her - because I certainly did, and she deserved to know - but I couldn't find the words. I was too busy planning ways to avoid Kinnick.

"What are you doing?" Her brows furrowed as I searched the crowds piling into the building. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I clear my throat. "I'm just looking around."

"Look, it's Kinnick and Miles!"

"I have to pee!" I shriek. "I'll meet you in class!"

"Bo!" Kinnick's deep voice calls for me as I dart down the hall.

I grab onto the edge of the bathroom door and pull myself inside. My breath hitched as shoes scruffing echoed through the hallway. The clock on my phone told me it had been five minutes, and I should check to see if the coast was clear. My head poked out of the entrance to look.

The water fountain sitting in front of me looked appealing. Considering my chest is heaving, I need to quench my thirst. Just as my lips met the water, a voice spoke.

"Were you really hiding out in the bathroom?"

My eyes trailed up a pair of tan and hairy legs, with a small tattoo on his shin. I didn't have to look at his tattoos to know who it was. His voice was a dead giveaway. I'd recognize it anywhere.