Loving Kinnick

I Dreamed About Her Like I Did Every Night Since I Met Her

Screaming.

I woke up to Bo screaming. I shoved away from her as she cried out below me. Her eyes were squeezed shut as I lifted myself onto my elbows, trying to get her to calm down. I wasn't aware I was lying on top of her, and my body weight had her pinned to the mattress.

The scream was blood-curdling. I refused to believe the whole neighborhood wasn't going to wake up. I was already preparing for the cops to show up. I didn't care about any of it anyway because my girl is below me, shaking with fear.

"It is a nightmare, baby. You're okay."

Tears were streaming down her face. "Get off of me. Get off of me!"

I moved off her. My hands gripped her arms, trying to shake her awake. The moment her eyes opened, I sighed a breath of relief. Until she shot off of the bed. I tried grabbing her, but she slipped from my grip and hurried out of the room. I fell back onto the mattress, wondering, 'what the fuck just happened?' I moved off the bed and pulled on the shorts on the floor.

In the darkness, I saw the light illuminating the hardwood floors from the crack under the bathroom door. The muffled sobs made me halt in the middle of the hallway. What did I do? The pain rippling in my chest coursed through my body while I listened to her rapidly suck in breaths.

"Baby," I knocked on the wooden, white door. "Open the door, please. Tell me what's going on."

"Please, go away."

"Bo," my voice cracked as I leaned my forehead against the door with tears burning in my eyes. "What did I do?"

"Nothing -"

"Then come out here, please."

"No," a hard cry ripped through her chest.

"Run yourself a bath," I spoke through the material separating us. "I'll check on you later, okay?"

A few moments later, I heard the water start. I slid down the wooden door separating us. I dropped my head into my hands because I don't know what the fuck to do. My body stayed against the door, listening to the water move around. I stayed until I realized it is four in the morning, and there is a possibility she will want something to eat.

I hated walking away from her even when she didn't want me around. I tried pushing what I wanted aside to give her what she needed - space. The smell of coffee filled the air as I sat at my table, holding a full mug below my nose.

My eyes strayed to the stove, looking at the clock as it gradually went on. Then I heard the bathroom door open, and as much as I wanted to get up, I stayed in my seat. She came around the corner with a blotchy face and tiredness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she was quick to apologize. "My nightmares get the best of me sometimes."

"I've got you, Bo. Whatever happens in your dreams, just know I'm right here."

"I don't do well when I stay somewhere for my first time."

"That's okay," I shake my head. "Do you want coffee?"

"I want to go to bed, please," she sniffled.

My next movements were with hesitation as I grabbed her wrist and tugged her towards me. She jumped at my movements. I clenched my jaw, trying to conceal the tears threatening to fall. My fingers threaded through her hair and pulled her head against my chest.

Her arms didn't wrap around me, but her hands rested on my chest. I felt the wetness of her tears against my bare skin. When the shaking in her body started, I wanted to punch the wall next to me. I have no idea what's going on. I have no fucking idea how to make it better.