Loving Kinnick

I Am Not Eating Those Shit Muffins

I woke up to complete darkness in the comfort of my own sheets, surrounded by the four walls I call my bedroom. Kinnick wasn't here, and I wondered if he dropped me off then left. I soon found out that wasn't true when the note on my bedside table said he would be back soon.

The throbbing in my arms reminded me that what happened today was real. It had me in the bathroom, inspecting the purple bruises. They were so dark they were almost black. The curve of his fingernails cut into my skin, leaving crescent moons made of blood. His fingerprints were etched into my skin.

I didn't realize I was crying until I couldn't breathe. He touched me again. I let it happen. So I did what I did every time I needed to get rid of him, I got in the shower and I scrubbed my skin. I scrubbed until it burned. Until it felt like my skin was going to come off. Until it felt like he was gone. Then I put more soap on the sponge, and I scrubbed some more.

My tears were flooded out by the water rushing down on my face as I sat on the floor of my shower. As the water drained, I wondered what it would be like if my worries joined it. I closed my eyes, imagining all of the anxiety, thinking about all of the pain being rinsed away. And it worked. Until the water got cold and no matter how much more I turned the nozzle left, the temperature didn't change.

I didn't step out of the water, piercing my skin like needles. I didn't move when my body begged for me to leave. I refused to abandon the cold water because it made me feel something other than the burn in my arms. It made me shiver in a way the fall weather couldn't. It froze the feelings brewing in my chest like a crisp winter morning after several inches of snowfall.

"Bo!"

Kinnick's voice floated through the house from downstairs. My hand reached to cut off the water. The other found a towel outside of the bathtub. His footsteps were coming up the stairs, bringing him closer to me. I opened the door at the same time he did, and his eyes widened. I wasn't sure if it was because under this towel I am naked and that made him nervous. I would have rushed to put on clothes, but I don't feel embarrassed. Honestly, I feel nothing at all.

He yanked me into his arms. "You're fucking freezing."

My teeth chattered as his warmth consumed me. His embrace thawed me. His hands explored my body, every curve, and divot until they wrapped around me. He injected me with his drug, and I craved every drip.

"Come on, we need to find you something to wear."

I trailed behind him, letting him lead me to my bedroom as if I was a stranger in my own home. With the way my dad treated me, and my mom being gone, I did. Kinnick navigated through my closet, tossing his yellow sweatshirt, and a pair of joggers onto the mattress where I sat.

"I'll be downstairs while you get dressed," he kissed my forehead.

I reached for my clothes, unaware he was standing at the door. "Bo?"

My eyes darted up to see him. "Are you okay?"

My head bounced up and down. "Of course. Just sleepy."

After slipping into the clothes he laid out for me, I met him in the kitchen where he stood with a bunch of plastic bags. "What is this?"

"We are making blueberry muffins," he pulled out his groceries. "You know what I found out earlier? That your dad is in Colorado."

My body stilled. "I didn't want you to worry."

"I don't give a shit," he snapped. "If you ever need something, call me."

"Are you going to scold me the whole time?"

"Do you need to be scolded?"

I snorted. "No."