con bravura acceso - twoset one shots

LXVI. violin concerto in d minor by Benjamin Britten (part one)

How would you react if someone told you that you're difficult to love? Brett Yang was told this by the man that he had loved a lot. Eddy Chen regretted the words as soon as they spilled but this is his truth. Brett couldn't be mad at Eddy.(part one)

a/n: Happy Valentine's, my dear readers. Me and my good friend claudeandclair published a book, entitled Love Me for Who I Am. Please go check it out. Our usual schedule for updates is Tuesdays and Saturdays. Forgive us if we have quite the few inconsistencies in uploading. Math has been taking a toll on me, but that book is sure to have two updates a week. (Unlike Et Nos Cedamus Amori, but I still work on it constantly.)

Thank you for always reading and stay safe!

warnings: expletives, angst

Third Person POV

"This is why we could never get anything done correctly! You always fucking do this, Brett. Don't you pin it on me again!" Eddy said, as he screamed.

"I never pin it on you because I know it's my fault! It's hard to accept it, Eddy! I don't wanna keep on hurting you again and again..." Brett said, looking away.

"If you really don't, then why do you keep doing this to us? Are you not sure with me? Am not enough, Brett?"

"It's not you, Eddy... It's me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. You're so kind, smart, patient and loving. Everything that you are is so easily lovable so don't you even dare think that you're the problem here." Brett scolded.

"I know I'm not the most perfect boyfriend Brett but you have to tell me what you feel. We can't always go about here and not know. Especially me... I just want to love you but you shut me out when it involves the vulnerability..." Eddy replied, sitting down and rubbing his eyes. "I could handle it. We could handle it together. That's what couples do..." Eddy added.

"I will, Eddy. Just give me time. I'm trying for you. I don't want to be perfect but I want to be the best that I can be for you. For us." Brett reassured, sitting down next to Eddy and holding him close.

Eddy was just sobbing as Brett held him. Eddy thought that everything that he felt for Brett will save them but it turns out that it cannot. They cannot save it this time. Eddy knows it about time that he spoke his truth too.

"Brett?" Eddy asked as he lifted his head to look up at Brett.

"Hmm?" Brett asked back as he ran his fingers through Eddy's hair.

"I can't do this anymore, Brett. I can't always do damage control every time you can't open up. If you can't be emotionally open with me, then maybe we shouldn't be together..." Eddy said bravely.

"I can't lose you and you know it-" Brett said but was immediately cut off.

"I know you can't! But Brett I am so tired if this... Forgive me if I can't handle it anymore. I've been seeing someone recently." Eddy broke the news, slowly.

There was a dead silence just among the apartment. The garbage trucks are producing the sound of Beethoven's Für Elise are heard from the distance. The blow of air from the air conditioner accompanied the beeping of Beethoven's piece. Eddy stood up as Brett sat there, frozen.

"You're cheating on me?" Brett asked quietly, no emotion present in his voice.

Eddy couldn't answer properly, trying to look for the right words. Ultimately, he failed so just nodded but he felt a need to defend himself.

"It's not cheating if I haven't kissed her or slept with her! I took her out to a few dates and fell in love with her intellect, beauty and she was open about what she felt. It made me feel like I could have a proper relationship with her." Eddy defended and explained. "I wanted to tell you and be honest with you before I break up with you..."

"Eddy, it doesn't matter if you didn't kiss her or slept with her! We are still in a committed relationship. Even if you weren't physically intimate with her, it's still cheating. I feel so betrayed..." Brett said honestly, just speaking what he thinks and what he feels.

"You feel betrayed? You couldn't get your vulnerability across. How do you think that makes me feel, Brett? My own boyfriend can't tell me his issues or problems because what? You don't trust me enough? You don't think I could handle it? Brett, I can!" Eddy said, trying hard not to cry.

"I trust you and I know you could handle it! I'm just afraid that if you see all of me, it wouldn't be the same for you... I'm afraid you wouldn't love me anymore." Brett spoke truthfully.

"You drove me away because of that! You don't think I could handle your entirety? Then what is the foundation of our relationship? Just you being what I have seen before? It was much easier when you were just my best friend instead of my boyfriend..." Eddy said with a sigh.

Brett was quiet but breathed deeply. He thought carefully of what to say. Before he speaks up, Eddy decided to speak first.

"No response? See? This is why you're so goddamn difficult to love!" Eddy screamed and immediately held his hand to his mouth.

Brett just looked up at Eddy, tears already welling out of his eyes. Yet, he wiped them away quickly. He didn't want Eddy to see how much that hurt him. Eddy just avoided Brett's eyes, he was already too guilty.

As Brett was wiping his tears, he just nodded. He tried to understand where Eddy was coming from. The thought of everything just made Brett shed more tears.

"Brett, I'm sorry... I didn't- mean for it to, um... Come out like that."

"Eddy, don't. It's okay. I understand. Maybe you are right..." Brett said, standing up and avoiding Eddy's pitying gaze.

"No- Brett..."

"I'm fine... I just, I'll sleep on the couch okay? I know you don't want me in the same room. I'll make sure to try and look for a room somewhere else tomorrow and-"

"Brett... Forgive me... Please, don't do this."

Eddy was feeling the guilt seep into the depths of his bones as Brett rushed to their shared bedroom. He couldn't even replay it in his mind, the way Brett looked up at him. The moment that Brett's face and voice lost emotion. When Brett came out getting a thin blanket and one pillow, Eddy couldn't say anything else.

"You shouldn't really sleep out here... You might get a cold and-"

"No, Eddy... It's fine. I'll just, um, make sure you won't see me all day tomorrow. I'll look for hotel rooms or a plane ticket back home..."

"You really shouldn't-"

"I'll be fine. You could sleep. I'm sure you're tired. Please don't feel guilty... None of this is your fault. And I'm really glad you're seeing another person." Brett said as he settled down under the thin blanket.

Eddy couldn't say anything more as he walked to their, well, his bedroom as of the moment. He lied down and settled on the side of his bed. Eddy felt guilty but he meant everything. That was his truth.

The more Eddy thought about it, the more furious he got. Who was he to feel bad about saying his real and honest feelings? At least he had told Brett the truth. He heard Brett's quiet sobs and felt himself getting more frustrated.

Why is Brett crying? He's the one so difficult to love. Why should I be the one suffer the consequences?

Eddy thought as he drifted off to sleep.