con bravura acceso - twoset one shots

VI. intermezzo in a-flat major, op.76, no. 2 by Johannes Brahms

Brett Yang isn't good with verbal communication, so he pours out all his feelings with the medium he's good at. No, not music, but writing. Eddy Chen wasn't supposed to find out, but he accidentally stumbled upon it.

warnings: expletives, a little angst, but a fluffy end

Brett's POV

Journal entry #1 (two years before the confession)

I don't actually know why I'm doing this, but I heard that it helps writing rather than bottling up all of it inside. Honestly, at first, I was denying everything. I mean, it's a bit illegal to fall in love with your best friend who has had a girlfriend for the past two years. He would hate me if he found out.

Well, hate is a strong word. I don't think he'll hate me, I just don't want him to be weird around me. I still can't admit it to other people, but I can admit it here.

I, Brett Yang, am hopelessly and utterly in love with my best friend, Eddy Chen, who only sees me as a brother. And holy shit, it hurts so bad.

I still remember that day I decided to get a journal that's refillable to write down everything I feel but can't say. At first, I thought it was too girly, but it did help me cope up with my emotions healthily. The pain of unrequited love when you're a teenager was the greatest pain of all.

Journal entry #27 (one year and six months before the confession)

It seems as though my heart wants to burst out of my chest every time he speaks my name. My mouth is dry as I struggle to speak when his arm comes around my shoulders. His lips curves to the perfect way for me to kiss him. I really do want to kiss him.

That's the problem, I can't.

His beauty is simply tempting, but I cannot use that to my advantage. Eddy Chen just broke up with his girlfriend of two years because he wasn't feeling it anymore. I'm afraid that he might feel that way about me. I mean, I am pretty sick of myself sometimes.

I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for Eddy Chen. I wonder when will I get over that fear.

This day was when the seventeen year-old Eddy Chen broke up with his girlfriend. My eighteen year-old self just saw bravery and courage in his eyes. He always claimed that I'm the braver one, but I'm really not. I'm brave when it comes to the things I love, but that's the problem, it's only when it comes to things.

Maybe I loved him, but not enough to risk it all.

Weirdly, I risked everything to get to music university, but can't seem to do that with him. Maybe, just maybe, even if I love music more than I love myself, I love Eddy more than everything. Even more than music.

Journal entry #113 (nine months before the confession)

Things haven't been easier. Eddy has been in many, many dates with countless beautiful people. I wish I was beautiful, too. Maybe then he would second look at my way. Who am I kidding, though? He would never love me even if I'm the most beautiful person in the world. He just sees me as a brother. It's okay, though. It's better than nothing, really.

Eddy was hesitant about music uni. I told him that he was meant for music. He's meant to be with me. If only I could tell him that. I'm not brave enough for Eddy. He deserves someone else. I'd be happy if he was.

Eddy was always worried because he knows that his mum is expecting him to be a doctor.

"Eddy." I said sternly.