Unrequited love at its finest. Eddy Chen doesn't know but Brett Yang is in love with him. Hopelessly and head over heels in love. Brett mourns his love and the lost of his love.
warnings: expletives, angst, major character death
Brett's POV
"Hey Eddy. I'm glad they buried you nearby so I could always visit you. I intend to visit you everyday." I said as I set down a yellow tulip on his tombstone.
"I'm regretting a lot of things but my biggest regret has got to be not telling you what I really felt for you. I really do. I guess what stopped me is knowing the fact that you'll fret. I'm okay with you not loving me back. Well, you did love me, just not in the way that I do." I removed the dirt that was lying next to the tulip I placed.
"I never regret loving you, though. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. Getting to feel what it's like to love an amazing human being is enough for me. Honestly, I don't really expect you to love me back like that." I said, pausing for a moment to recollect my thoughts.
"I didn't really cry when I was reciting my eulogy for you. I told them a different thing from what I would tell you if you were attending your own funeral. I know, you must be laughing at the ridiculousness of it. I don't really believe in ghosts but I believe you can hear me." I unfolded the paper from my pocket and started to read.
"First off all, Edward Chen, I'm reading this now but it doesn't mean that it isn't genuine or scripted." I chuckled as my head shakily held the paper.
"I had dreams of becoming a soloist once. As you can see, I'm not one. It's okay if my dreams didn't come true, though. Something better came true and that's the fact that I've traveled the world with you." I paused for a little, biting back sobs that might turn to wails if continue.
"I would've never survived as a soloist because you weren't there with me. Lovely, I'm glad that my dreams didn't come true. We got to live ours and that's what matters the most. You've inspired so many people to be as passionate and loving as you." I said and looked at his tombstone.
"You've taught me what it truly means to love. To love without waiting for it to be returned, to love patiently and selflessly, to love and live in the moment and most importantly, to love even while hurting. It's beautiful, Eddy. Knowing that loving you is the easiest thing in the world, but at the same time it is also the hardest." I sat down because I started to feel my knees get weak.
"It was the hardest because even if I learned the beauty and ease of love from you, I also learned the hard and difficulty of love from you. The ache that blooms in my chest every time I see you with another, the stab of knives that are your words and the way you always tell me you love me so easily and mindlessly but always knowing that you didn't mean it the way I did, and most importantly, the pain of seeing you suffer on your deathbed. It's also beautiful, Eddy. The way you showed your strength is the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed. We all held onto that strength only for it to be taken by the wind that blows west." I wipe the tears that I didn't know just broke free.
"It doesn't matter now, though. You're free and you don't feel pain anymore. I hope that wherever you are, I hope that you still continue your passion in music. Fill the your resting place with the sweetest melodies and grace it with the beauty of music." I put the paper away and caressed the tombstone a little.
"I want to tell you more things but I am afraid that words cannot express them. I wish that everything that I did for you was enough to show my undying love for you. Lovely, somewhere along the way, I'll meet you again. My wish is that in our next lives, we will still find each other and hopefully, you could love me the way I love you." I said as I choked on my words.
"I love you always, Eddy Chen. No matter how much the seasons change or no matter how long or short my years are on this world, that's the only thing that will remain. Don't forget that and if you ever meet composers or the Ling Lings of instruments, never pass up on the opportunity to conversate with them. I love you more than music and that says a lot about you. I'll see you whenever it's my time." I completely burst to tears, not caring if someone sees or hears me.
Even if my knees are weak, I do my best to stand up. I wiped away the remnants of tears and caressed your tombstone again. I toy with the yellow tulip that I gave you and gave it a little kiss. I set it down again and decided to mourn the lost of my love.
I don't think my love for him will turn to ashes or disappear like a bubble on thin air. It takes a lot more than anything in this world for my love for Eddy to disappear. I may not live forever but I promise that my love for him will be remarkable.
My love for him is a lot like breathing, blinking, heart beating, eating, drinking, and most importantly, music. I cannot live if one of these functions are gone. Loving Edward Chen is simply just living, seems that I can't die.
"Even if you are gone, all my feelings for you will never fade away. My heart will always be yours."
YOU ARE READING
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