consequences// 5SOS

29

Isabelle

Weekdays were kind of shit.

Wednesday was mostly sleeping, reading, and laying in a huge scan so that they could see all of my body. Kaykay got a sniffle and decided not to see me, which sucked, but I still had Ash and everyone at that point.

Thankfully, nothing on the scans was worse.

Calum finally cleared me for school, meaning I could see other people, but I had no clue how to make friends and ended up sat alone on Thursday. Sitting in the corner as someone else fed you was humiliating and lonely.

I refused to go on Friday and wallowed in my own self pity instead.

"You're gonna make yourself sick,"

I looked up at Crystal, who I hadn't seen for a while, taking the tissues she passed to me.

"Your sister sent you some pizza, and good company, I like to think,"

Silently, I sat up and rubbed my head as pain seared through it. She scratched my back and hushed me, passing me the slice.

"Wanna talk?"

I shook my head.

"Okay. I will listen if you want to though,"

Slowly, I ate the pizza, then I tucked my legs up to my chest and rested my head on it. I wasn't in the mood to speak, and hadn't since yesterday after school.

I felt like utter shit.

Worst of all, Ashton had got sick too, so I couldn't see him. I didn't realise I would miss him so much.

"Do you need anything? Help to the bathroom, or an extra blanket?"

I shook my head again and she laid me back, tucking me in.

"I think you need to sleep darling, Calum is gonna come bye in the next couple of hours,"

I shut my eyes and she slid my beanie off so that I didn't overheat, then stroked my arm until I fell asleep.

**

"Wakey wakey,"

Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and yawned, stretching out. Ignoring Calum, I got up and went to the toilet, splashing my face with water.

When I came back out, he took my hands and tried to spin me playfully, but I just stood there and scrunched my nose up so I didn't cry.

"Oh darling, this is no good. Does it hurt to talk? Have you got an ulcer or something?"

I shook my head and sniffed, staring at my picc line.

"Tummy ache? A sore throat?"

Again, I shook my head.

"Okay... well I still need to do my job I am afraid. Please could you step on the scales for me?"

I did, averting my eyes and looking at every single other thing I could until he said I could get off. When I did, he hugged me.

Close to his chest.

It felt like Ashton.

"You are making such good progress, and if you keep crying and not sleeping then the progress will go back. All the hard work you and your body has done will be wasted, and we don't want that,"

He paused, waiting for an answer I was never going to give.

"Sweetheart, what's up? If you are feeling more sick, or more pain then I can give you medicine and figure out what's up. You don't have to be afraid,"

"Ashton,"

"Ashton? Oh, he will be okay, he just has a cold. Kaykay chose to stay clear of you today as well, just in case. I know that means you can't go home but you can perhaps stay there a night next week,"

I shook my head and climbed back in bed, turning away. He didn't get it.

How confused I was that this man I barely knew was so important to me. How confused I was that him and Kaykay loved me so much, and provided me with so much. How confused I was that this was all happening right now.

"Oh, you miss him, don't you? Izz, darling, you can call him,"

I broke into slow and cracked sobs, and he didn't hesitate to perch on my bed and comfortingly rub my leg.

Nothing made sense.

I used to leave the house to try and escape mum and dad... now I was struggling to go a couple of days without my carers' company.

"I miss him,"

"Of course you do, he has given you attention, and love, and protection, and that that has been stripped away it's as if you're back home,"

"I couldn't put it into words, but they are the words,"

"It will be the same thing with Kaykay, except you're more used to her not being here,"

"I wanna see him,"

"Your crying is getting louder snd louder angel, and your body cannot cope. Please take a deep breath,"

"I can't,"

"You can, I know you can. Facetime him on your phone, I am gonna see if I can get off work for an hour or two and make it up this evening,"

"I can't breathe,"

"You can, angel, but I will give you some oxygen,"

Gently, he put some over my head and I breathed it in, my heart rate getting a little slower.

"Nothing is pushing on your lungs anymore, we got it all out,"

He passed me my phone and then waited while I rang Ashton, leaving when he answered.

"Isabelle? Hey, what's up?"

"I miss you," I said, my voice hoarse.

"Oh sweetheart, I miss you too. I am feeling much better now, I will be back as soon as possible,"

"Okay,"

"Your eyes look puffed up, and red. I hope that's not because of me, you know I will come back as soon as I can,"

"I miss you,"  I said again.

His face shifted, probably not expecting it to actually be about him, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"I miss you too, but you have everyone else, don't you? Has someone come to check up on you?"

"Calum is about to try and get an hour off work to be with me,"

"That's really good. Who is staying over?"

"I chose Michael, and Luke. I need two people if you're not here,"

"Darling, sometimes I am at home and one person stays over,"

"I need two people," I snapped.

"Okay...have Lewis and Juliet visited?"

"Lewis fed me once,"

"How was he?"

"Good,"

Calum walked back in and slid on a hoodie instead of his white coat, so I turned the camera to him and he smiled.

"Hey Ash, Isabelle and I are gonna watch a movie together, we can catch up later ay?"

"That sounds great. Thank you,"

"You should keep that oxygen on for a couple more minutes," Cal said to me. I was panting, and shaking, so he gently put it over my nose again and gave me a firm nod.

"Bye Izz,"

I gave Ash a small wave and teared up again, Calum placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Now, do you want cuddles, or shall I sit in the chair?"

"Cuddles,"

"They're always best huh?"