consequences// 5SOS

41

Kaykay

"I got a sandwich for you,"

"Thanks, Ash," I mumbled, taking it from him, "How is Isabelle?"

"Crystal should be taking care of her as we speak,"

"Good,"

"How are your burns feeling?"

"Sore,"

"You're being so brave," he said, kissing me. Both of my arms were burnt, and my forehead was a little bit too. I'd had cuts across my leg and face, but overall I was fine in that aspect. A little insecure, and sore, but no broken bones or concerning pain.

But the baby.

Our baby.

"Crystal said we have a couple of decisions to make," he said softly, "I figured we should talk about them,"

"Yeah,"

"Only if you're ready. I know this is all fresh, we can hold off for another day,"

"Are you ready?" I asked, "You don't have to pretend to be okay,"

"I am, yeah,"

He gave me a tiny smile, and I put my hand on top of his, squeezing it.

"We can get a certificate to acknowledge ,"-

"No,"

"No?"

"No,"

"Why? I think it would be good to have," he frowned.

"We didn't know. We didn't have a name. We didn't- it wasn't... I don't know. I am confused, and tired,"

"If they had been born, you know we would have loved them. I know it was only a few weeks into the pregnancy but if this hadn't happened we would have picked a name, and made a nursery,"

"I guess," I sniffed, "Okay, we can get one,"

"Do you want a break?"

"We can carry on,"

"Okay. She also mentioned that although we can't have an official funeral, we could have our own private funeral, or the hospital could cremate them,"

"I don't want a funeral, Ash. I'm sorry,"

"That's okay,"

"How did I let this happen?"

"It's not your fault,"

I bit into the sandwich he got me and he began to eat his own lunch, looking at me with dull eyes. His hair hadn't been done properly, and he wore a hoodie and sweats.

"I want to see Isabelle,"

"We can see her after lunch,"

"Thank you,"

"Maybe we can bring her home on Wednesday,"

"I want to bring her home forever," I sighed, "Not like mum and dad,"

"I know,"

"Talk me through her liver again,"

He explained Calum's decisions and surgery again, as well as the results and how she was now. I hated that I couldn't have been there for her, because surgery was scary and difficult.

Part of me still felt like a terrible sister, even though I couldn't help it.

"And someone is keeping her company all the time?"