consequences// 5SOS

31

Kaykay

It was 00:04 when we got told the news.

It was 00:05 when Ash smashed his mug onto the floor, sending hot coco everywhere.

It wasn't until 00:30 that I managed to stop his anger, the rage fuelling a fire in his body.

"Why the fuck did they do it after I told them time and time again not to do the surgery because it would kill him?"

"Ash, you did all you could,"

"He had a good shot at living. If I had been there, if I hadn't got sick,"-

"You got sick because you are way too stressed,"

"And now a kid is dead. Isabelle's friend is dead. Aimee is gonna go off the rails and start refusing to even have her blood taken, Iza has just lost his best friend, Isabelle already won't stop thinking about death,"

"And you just lost a patient who you knew," I said, cupping his cheek, "You just lost someone too,"

"We need to go and be there for them,"

"Not tonight, you're too angry. They probably don't know yet anyway,"

"Kaykay,"

"Ash," I whispered, cupping his cheek with my other hand too, "Please take deep breaths,"

He shut his eyes and took hold of my hands, resting his forehead on mine. I placed a gently kiss on his lips and he hugged me, starting to cry.

I understood his fury. All along I had also backed the idea that the surgery was too risky.

What broke my heart the most was how excited Rudy was whenever the surgery came up.

"Why did no one listen?"

"It would've saved his life if he lived," I mumbled, "That's why. Come on, we should clean this up and get to bed,"

"I'm not tired,"

"At least help clean,"

He went and got the hoover then got rid of the tiny shards of ceramic and hot chocolate. I wiped it dry and put my empty cup in the dishwasher, then we went up to bed.

Alarmingly, he was rigid and tense, no matter how much I hugged him. In the end, I went to sleep.

Whatever he did, he was up before me and passed me a coffee, sitting by my feet.

"I'm gonna go on a run, if you want to come,"

"If you want me to,"

He nodded and looked down, his knee bouncing.

"Sorry I smashed the mug

"It happened, we can move on,"

"Thank you,"

"Isabelle is going to be crushed," I hummed, "Do you think it's safe to see her?"

"I think we should, otherwise she is going to get in a state,"

"I suppose,"

Quickly, I changed into my workout clothes and we ate breakfast together. We packed up the rest of Izz's clothes ready to take, and then went on a run. It was pretty empty on the streets at this time of day, so it was just us with our headphones and each other.

Admittedly, I was worried about Ash, but he seemed better this morning. Losing a patient who was long term was especially hard, and I knew he cared for every single person on his ward. It sounded impossible, but he did.

When we got back home, we both stripped off and showered, then picked up the bags and headed to hospital in our scrubs. We figured we could make up for lost time, and the extra staff would probably be useful today.

The mood on the kids ward was terrible.

"Can we stop off by Aimee's room?"

"Yeah," I said, taking his hand, "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

He nodded and opened to door to a small room, a young girl rocking back and forth with her knees tucked to her chest. Ash put his bag down and crouched at the end of her bed so he was in her view.

"Hey sweetheart, is someone coming to visit today?"

"I don't know,"

"Well we can get someone to check, I think you need someone, don't you?"

"Yeah,"

"How did you sleep last night?" I asked, trying to make it so I wasn't like a hawk watching.

"Good, but I found out this morning. He-he was so excited ,"

"He was, but unfortunately the surgery was risky and he made that choice,"

"Have you had any breakfast? They're still serving bacon in the canteen!"

"I don't think I can eat, Dr Blaisdell,"

"You can call me Kaykay. I think it would be a good idea if we ordered something, then you might smell it and fancy it ay?"

"Okay,"

While we chose some breakfast together, Ash marked down her vitals and put fluids up. As he went to use her IV, she pulled her hand away and shook her head.

"These are some fluids, that's all,"

"I want to go home,"

"This has shaken us all up. It's hurt me, and it has hurt you, but you do not need to be scared. Easier said than done, but we want to help you. That's especially important in a time like this,"

"I don't wanna die,"

She broke into sobs and I hushed her, passing her the teddy bear that lay on her bed.

"Everything, and everyone in this hospital is here to make you better. These fluids keep you hydrated,"

"I don't wanna go sleepy,"

"These ones are just fluids, I promise darling," Ashton said, "Here's your mum look!"

A women walked in the room and I stood, letting her take my place. Both of them had visible relief to be in each others arms, and Ash was able to connect her fluids up.

I got her breakfast ordered for her and we left her with her mum, heading down to see Isabelle. As we entered the room, she looked up as us with her eyes, then moved them forward again.

Nobody else was in the room, and I stepped across the floor covered in tissues to be infront of her.

"Oh baby,"

She sniffed and squeezed her eyes shut, her lips pressed together.

"I am sorry," I said, kissing her head, "I am so sorry,"

"I knew someone was gonna die. I should've said no,"

"This is not your fault," Ashton said, "This is not something you could have controlled,"

"I woke up and told Michael I felt like death was hanging over me,"

"We tried to stop him having the operation for a while, it was his choice,"

"I could've saved him," she sobbed, pulling Ashtons arm and hugging it tight, "I could have. I know it,"