Arcanum Hominem (#1)

Chapter 58

"When did you get home?" I asked Killian as I walked past him to get inside of the house. He didn't answer me, but I knew he followed me into the house. The door closed and I heard the lock click in place. I walked to the living room and sat down in front of the laptop, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

"Scarlett." Killian's voice was low, but I could hear accusations seeping through it without him even saying anything else. I sat back into the couch and looked up, ignoring the glare he was giving me. 

"Killian," I said his name in the same tone, except I raised my brow. His jaw ticked and he glanced to the side. He was wearing a black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. I would say he got home with enough time to take a shower and change before I got home. Maybe at least an hour, minimum. 

"Where were you?" he finally asked his question and I glanced at the laptop before setting my phone down next to it. I got up from the couch and made my way upstairs. I wanted to be comfortable before we got into any arguments. Only when I was in the bedroom, taking my clothes off, did I answer his question.

"I was out, why? You said to be safe and I was. You didn't say I couldn't use the car, so what's the problem?" I asked him, knowing damn well he probably knew where I was. We had cameras placed in the building, so he was bound to see me if he made it home early enough.

"Scarlett. This operation requires both of us to be on the same page at all times. Going to see Chase was a decision you shouldn't have made alone." Killian spoke through clenched teeth. I didn't need to see him to know what that sounded like. I yanked the suit jacket I was wearing off and tossed it to the side, doing the same with my pants. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked exhausted, but I didn't have time to sleep at the moment. Killian walked into the bathroom and leaned against the sink, crossing his arms. His face was hardened in annoyance and his eyes followed my every movement. I finally sighed and faced him.

"Look, if you can make plans on your own and have secret meetings without including me, I should be able to conduct my own. Plus, it's my stepdad and he doesn't have a clue about us." I raised my brows at him, waiting for his response. 

"It's not safe for you to be out by yourself and see him alone. What if he gets intel you have no idea about that exposes us?" 

I chuckled, glancing down before looking back up. "Are you saying that I don't have the skills to protect myself in those situations?" If he answered the way I wanted, I would have him backed into a corner.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." he narrowed his eyes, waiting for my reaction. 

"You motherfucker. Earlier you said I have the basic skills needed for this operation and that I don't need more training. But now you're saying I don't have the skillset? Which one is it? Instead of saying you don't have time to train me, just tell me straight up that you just don't want to train me, instead of changing up your fucking story like you are now." I was no longer in the mood to have a conversation with him. At first, it was fun baiting him. Now he pissed me off. He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. "My phone is downstairs next to the laptop. I took pictures of Chase's entire schedule in case it can help us with the operation. Thought you might recognize some names or something, I don't know." I shrugged, stripping the rest of the clothes off of my body. I didn't even look at Killian for his reaction. I just wanted to shower and figure out what to do after.

"Oh, that actually might help us," Killian spoke in surprise after a moment of silence. I scoffed.

"Yeah, I guess I'm not an idiot after all, huh?" I muttered under my breath after I turned on the shower.

"Aw, come on Scarlett, really?" 

I guess I wasn't that quiet. I ignored him and stepped into the shower, closing my eyes and letting the water hit my face. Killian tried to get my attention again, but I still ignored him and after some silence, he finally left the bathroom. I let out a sigh of relief. What was I doing? Was this even worth the stress? Would my normal life be any better than this? Definitely not as exciting. These were the type of thoughts that always went through my head, but I usually pushed it back until I was in the shower where I could let my thoughts run free. After cleaning myself, I put on panties and an oversized t-shirt and went downstairs to see what Killian was up to. He was in the living room, clicking through pictures on the laptop.

"I see you found the pictures." I commented as I entered the living room, sitting down next to him. He looked up, startled, but then nodded when he recovered. 

"I did. These are actually a huge help. I've sent them over to the team and they're going to compile a list and give it to us from most important to least. You did a good job today." He glanced at me and nodded and I just sighed, curling my legs under my body, facing forward. Now he wanted to tell me that what I did was good and helped us out. "Scar," Killian called out to me softly, which pissed me off.

"Don't. Don't do that! First, you scold me for doing something on my own and then later tell me how it helped us out? I despise that so much. Do you know how that makes me feel? Let me tell you, like shit! It feels like shit and makes me feel worthless, and I don-" My voice cracked and I cut myself off and stood up abruptly, walking quickly to the kitchen. I blinked rapidly, trying to will the tears that were welling up to go away. I couldn't look weak in front of Killian when he already saw me as fragile. I just wanted to contribute. I wanted to feel like I had a purpose. 

Fuck, I knew I should've stayed in the shower longer. Letting tears out in there was easier when no one could see you. 

"Scarlett?" Killian's voice was filled with concern, which didn't help me. It only made the tears want to fall even more. My chest was tightening up and the knot in my throat wouldn't budge. It only made me pace back and forth more. I sucked in a breath when I felt Killian's hand on my arm and gritted my teeth when he pulled me to his chest, arms wrapping around me. I hated how my body just molded itself into his, gaining comfort from his warmth. I didn't want that. I wanted every fiber in my bones to be pissed at him. But because every fiber wasn't pissed, I ended up wrapping my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest.

"I'm so upset with you," I mumbled in his chest, small tears falling from my eyes. That was all I was allowing to fall. No more could or I wouldn't be able to stop. 

"I know, darling. I know. Hey, look at me, please?" Killian pulled back and lifted my head up and I slowly opened my eyes, letting the rest of the tears escape. Killian's thumbs swiped them away and he stared down at me with worried eyes. "I had no idea I was making you feel that way. I sincerely apologize, okay? I promise you. I don't ever want you feeling that way and especially don't ever want to be the cause of it again. Forgive me." His words surprised me with how sincere he actually was. It tugged at my heart and I ignored the tugging. I was filled with an emotion I couldn't explain, which made a knot form in my throat again. I nodded at his words, not able to form any of my own at the moment. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the side of my eye and did the same to the other, making the tugging in my heart more prominent. I didn't like the way it was making me feel. 

Vulnerable. 

He looked at me again, eyes searching mine. I didn't know what he was searching for but based on the look on his face, it looked like he found it.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine and I was surprised at how soft the kiss was. It wasn't a hungry kiss, it was simple and I welcomed it. Even when he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, with me following his movements, it wasn't rough, yet the molding of our lips this way left me more breathless than if it were rough. His hand trailed up my shoulder and stopped when he cupped my face. He brought my face even closer and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing myself up on my toes to get more of him. Heat ignited in my core as he leaned back for us to catch our breath, foreheads pressed against each other. I wanted more. I captured his lips with mine, automatically deepening the kiss. A guttural groan revved in the back of his throat, which turned me on and I took the opportunity to plunge my tongue in his mouth. His quickly overpowered mine and the way he probed my mouth was sensual and so filled with passion, my heart swelled. I leaned back, breathless.

"Killian, why are you kissing me like this?" I breathed out, having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I just wanted to get lost in the lust, the passion. He peppered kisses up and down my neck and I grabbed the back of his neck, elongating mine for him.

"I want you to know that you aren't worthless. Your opinion matters to me." He planted a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth and I sighed in ecstasy. 

"What are you doing to me?" I whispered, blinking up at him and he passed a thumb over my swollen lips.

"What would you like for me to do to you?" Killian's eyes darkened and I locked eyes with him, trailing my hands down his chest and stopped right on his crotch. 

He smirked.