Angstyboys.inc | sbi angst one shots |

-Ana, friends, and panic-

Art creds: the_cr0w_collective (the o in crow is meant to be a zero) on Instagram

Requested: yes :D  @anxietybear_
Character: Tommyinnit
Setting: Tommy's home

Possible triggers for this chapter:
• Panic attacks
• Blood (minimal)
• Negative thoughts
• ED (eating disorder)

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|*~Tommy POV (3rd person)~*|

He felt like he was dying. Clutching at his throat Tommy stumbled into a wall and slid down it, tears freely streaming down his face now. He couldn't breath and he kept clawing his neck, face arms, legs, basically anything he could find to scratch.

His arms had started bleeding because his nails were jagged from biting them when he was nervous. That along with the fact he hadn't taken care of them in more than a month so they were at least an inch long each.

He couldn't see anything around him. His vision was starting to blur but focusing on something else was calming him down a bit.

When he thought it was over about 10 minutes later, he stood up to go to the bathroom and clean the blood off his arms, but saw something that reminded him of what caused the panic attack in the first place. His anxiety pills...

He thought it was ironic how the thing supposed to help him was causing him so much pain.

He had been diagnosed with severe anxiety at the age of 6 so the doctor gave him pills. His mother tried to get Tommy to take them but he just threw them out when she wasn't looking.

He hadn't mentioned this to anyone before, but he was terrified by the thought of swallowing pills. Everytime he tried he would think 'what if they are poisoned'. 'What if they'll make me go insane' 'What if it gets stuck in my throat and I choke and die'. He just couldn't deal with them. The pills sent him into a panicked state whenever he even opened the bottle.

Another thing he was afraid of was food, which is why he didn't eat it. Or at least tried to avoid it. Instead of the fear of dying, Tommy was afraid food would make him fat. It would ruin his image on the internet because people admired him for being skinny. He was also afraid she would come back and yell at him for 'ruining his body'. He called her Ana.

He was also afraid of planes, the ocean, outer space, spiders, baseball bats, loose screws, loud noises, cramped spaces, and so on. Now thinking about it, a lot of things sent him into a panic, and pretty easily too. He thought he was just sensitive or weak for being so emotional.

He realized he was now on the floor again, he couldn't keep himself standing for longer than a minute. So he just threw on a hoodie and crawled  to his bed. He immediately fell into what he thought was a peaceful sleep.

Later...

Tommy sat up in his bed crying and shaking. He was having another panic attack but this time it was because of a dream. He had started scratching his already raw bloody arms again but he couldn't feel or even comprehend the pain. This one was much much worse in the sense that instead of not being able to see anything he was vividly seeing all of his family and friends dying over and over in different ways. All he could feel was complete fear.

Fear of death to his friends, parents, pets, himself.

After a little while Tommy calmed down but he was still sobbing. At moments like these he was thankful his parents lived down a floor across the other side of the house.

These nightmares had been going on for a couple years but his parents were too busy with work to talk to him about what's going on.

He fell back asleep an hour later out of pure exhaustion.