nicknames, jacob black.

forty one

ava and jacob lay together for majority of the night. they watched movies in silence, sharing short glances and long kisses. after a while, ava began yawning. it was clear she was tired but she did not want to sleep and miss jacob, so she pretended like nothing happened.

when she had yawned for about the 5th time jacob turned off the tv and wrapped his arms around her. she pouted, knowing their time was up and that as soon as she slept he would leave and go back to the cullen's home.

"i don't understand why you can't just come home now." she whispered sadly, "you're better now aren't you? so why can't you stay the full night with me? i don't like waking up in the morning not being in your arms. i don't like knowing you're gone."

jacob sighed quietly. truthfully he understood her complaints but sam had told him he couldn't come back until the day before the wedding. he was already breaking rules coming to see ava every night.

"i don't know why sam doesn't want me back." he did. sam was afraid that jacob would hurt his sister again so he wanted to keep them as separate as possible.

ava sighed and sat up. she ran a hand through her hair, something she did when annoyed. jacob sat up and pulled ava on his lap. he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto him.

"i'll be back soon, i promise." he whispered. he moved her pony tail from her neck and kissed from her neck down her back and up again.

her cheeks tinted red, "okay fine. but i wanna spend the day with you yknow." she turned her body around so she was facing him, "this sneaking around is weird."

"i know baby," he murmured. he held her waist with his hands and rubbed his thumb up and down.

she giggled, "baby? that's new."

"you don't like it?" he asked curiously.

"i like it." she whispered and kissed his nose cheekily.

"how was texas?" he asked her. every time they had spoke about it she often changed the subject or kept it minimal.

"you can't get mad." she said quickly. she looked afraid and embarrassed.

"i would never get mad."

aca fiddled with her fingers. she was scared of what he would think about her silly partying, so she decided to speak about that last.

"well at first i kept myself busy. i tutored, for money this time. i volunteered at schools, i started working at a diner." she started, "i stopped going to school so i have to retake senior year."

"ava you didn't go to school?" jacob said, quite shocked.

"stop, i already feel unpleasant talking about that." she whispered, "it was a stupid thing to do."

jacob shook his head and kissed her forehead, "it's okay, don't worry. i didn't finish senior year either."

she continued, "around your birthday i started sending you videos of, like, me talking to you and everything that happened. it's so cringe so i'm glad you never saw them."

"no way, i need to see those. maybe sam still has my phone." he grinned and she blushed bright red.

"anywaysss." she giggled, leaning on jacob comfortably, "in february i went through what one would call a rebel phase. i stopped listening to people and i started changing my hair. i cut it short and dyed it.

"march was boring. turning eighteen had no affect on me, i don't understand why it is hyped up so much. i literally had nothing to do.

"in april i started sending more regular videos. i was lonely and i really missed you so i sent about three videos a week." she looked at him sadly, "i cried a lot in april for the silliest things. i dropped my phone down the stairs and cried, one day the hot water wasn't working so i cried. i was a mess."

jacob pouted. he felt bad that she went through all these different emotions without him to comfort her. he gently held her cheek and kissed her quickly. she smiled into the kiss and pulled away.

"you don't have to be sad for me. i got over it, somehow. but i still missed you." she whispered.

he sighed and stared at her, "i shouldn't have run away. i should have came to texas to come get you. i would have begged and pleaded, on my knees, day and night to bring you home."

octavia giggled, "like a knight in shining armour?" she said to humour him.

"your knight in shining armour." he smiled. they both stared at each other, jacob pushing her hair behind her ear. automatically, they both leaned in, their lips touching, and for ava it felt like time had stopped.

"mine." her was hers and she was his.

her heart pounded in her chest and if she was standing, her legs would have probably given way. jacob wrapped his arms around her frame and pulled her close, not wanting this to end.

it did though. they both pulled apart for air and ava shyly looked at him. he nodded for her to continue with her story, "don't be mad."

"why would i be mad?" he asked her curiously.

"may was a bad month." she whispered, embarrassed, "i barely remember it."

"what happened?"

she struggled to to find the words to say. she felt if she told him about this side of her that he'd be repulsed or embarrassed.

"you don't have to tell me." he comforted her. if she wasn't ready, then she wasn't ready and he would wait until she was.

they both stayed silent until she spoke, "i was off the rails. and badly. i went partying, did every type of drug you could name, i've did it." she hung her head in shame, "i'm sorry. i know i shouldn't have but i was so tired of it hurting all the time that i thought being high or drunk would take my pain away.

"and i'm sorry to say this but jacob you really hurt me. we can sugar coat it all we want but when you did what you did i was heartbroken and i didn't care how i stopped the pain i just had to stop it."

"i'm sorry." he whispered, "i'm sorry for hurting you like that. i was an asshole and i was going through things myself and j hate the fact that i poured it on you. you say i should forgive myself but i never will. i am so sorry for ruining you like that ava."

she silently closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. deep down she was still hurting but being with him mended her heart.

"can i tell you something?" he asked. his chest vibrated as he spoke and she smiled, liking the feeling.

"go ahead."