nicknames, jacob black.

forty two

"truthfully, this isn't an excuse." he started, "this is just me pouring out my heart, okay?" she nodded.

"when i was in my wolf form, i had a lot of time to think about everything. i thought about the pack, i thought about bella and i thought about you.

"i knew that the pack supported me no matter what i did, even sam. even after i practically ruined his sister i knew deep down he still had love and respect for me.

"when bella and i had our thing going on, i think i was a complete idiot. we were never meant to be. she had edward and they were deeply in love. i had nobody and i hated that.

"i used her to complete the hole in my heart that i always had. she didn't fit the hole but i was willing to make it work if it meant the hurting to stop. i didn't even know why i was hurting, i just was.

"i used her but she used me too, even more than i even realised. when i was running, i finally understood that she only wanted me around to make edward jealous. show him there was a chance of her being happy without giving up her life.

"i was an idiot to think that she loved me like that."

"you're not an idiot." ava cut him off. "you were naïve. you were used. she hurt you. it is not your fault." she sounded stubborn.

"you can say it's not my fault all you want but at the end of the day everybody told me this and i ignored them ava." he whispered, "i wanted that hole in my heart to fill up so badly i didn't care who it was with i just needed it to go.

"i guess i kind of understood that we weren't meant to be that time she got paul angry. she had realised what i was, a shapeshifter, and she slapped him." ava gasped. she knew paul had anger issues in the past.

"did she get hurt?" she asked.

"no, because i, stupid and in what i thought was love, rushed to save her. like an idiot." he sighed. it was clear he was embarrassed of his actions, "i saved her life and all she did was ruin mine." tears began streaming down his face.

this was the first time she had seen him cry properly. normally his eyes would tear up and he would blink them away but this time he cried for real.

he trusted her fully. he opened up to her and as a result he felt vulnerable and cried.

"jacob," ava felt bad for him. she kissed him quickly and and wiped his eyes. she kissed his face multiple times and hugged him tight, "i feel like i'm gonna cry too." her voice wavered and tears streamed down her face.

"we're a mess aren't we?" he smiled through his tears.

she giggled and nodded, "a big mess."

he wiped her tears and kissed both of her rosy cheeks before continuing, "then i met you." she smiled, getting all shy, "it sounds really cliché but i think it was love at first sight."

"you're chatting shit now."

"i'm serious. it was love i just didn't know." he said this was confidence and seriousness. ava's eyes sparkled. she remembered how attached she was to jacob so in a way she was relieved that jacob felt the same way.

"when i imprinted on you, everything made sense. the attraction, the wanting to be with you 247, it clicked." she smiled at the memory of the first time they went out, "but i was an idiot and every time i feel the world pulling me to you, i'd run away like a coward. and that's why i become such an asshole."

ava giggled when he called himself a coward because she agreed. she leaned in and kissed him softly, "you know i forgive you right? i know i was hurt but seriously, i'm okay now. don't worry about it at all."

"you're too sweet to me." jacob replied, "i don't get it. i expected you to never want to see me romantically let alone normally."

"i'm not gonna lie because i don't get it either jacob." ava ran her thumb over his cheeks, he grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles lovingly, "but i want to be with you. regardless of what happened. this is our way of closure and saying goodbye to the past. that way we can close this chapter and start a new one."

"you're so smart."

"thank you." she beamed.

"anyways," he grinned, "the strength i had throughout the past few months came from you. every time i got tired or wanted to give up, i thought about you and the way you smile, the way you laugh, your eyes, your beautiful eyes." he paused, "i love you."

without missing a beat she replied, "i love you more."

"i love you most."

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literally thank you so much for all these reads (5k?!?! in tears) ahhh im so happy so many people are enjoying my story