Torn

Chapter 47

Annie's POV

There's no point of hiding anything now. They clearly know I'm depressed if they think I purposely overdosed. I know Demi's not dumb and she's smart enough to piece this together with the blood on my sweatshirt, which, we also lied about saying its Madison's.

One day I have all my secrets hidden away and kept to myself, and then I do one little mistake and then they all fly out in the open one at a time. I feel exposed and my thoughts aren't just my thoughts now- they're Demi's too.

"Annie Marie. Let me see your stomach." Demi said, face pale as a ghost.

I looked over at the sleeping Wilmer beside me in the hospital bed, "W-Wilmer is in here and.. Uhm.."

My pulse is beating rapidly in my ears. How can I get myself out of this mess? Demi can't see my stomach. The look of disappointment in her face will tear me apart.

As if on cue, Wilmer stretched his arms out and smiled at all of us, until he clearly saw by our facial expressions that everything was not okay.

"What's going on?" He asked.

Demi stood up and you could tell she was shaking. Oh gosh, get this nightmare over with.

"Wilmer, can you go to the hall for a second?" Demi asked.

"Why?" He asked, sitting up, "Is everything okay?"

"Wilmer. Please." Demi said.

He nodded, giving me one more sympathetic look, then exited.

The tension was evident between me and Demi. Marissa was looking between us, anxious to see what happens. Oddly enough, I feel better with Marissa in here. Like she could save me if Demi attacked or something.

"Let me see." Demi demanded.

I shook my head, "I only have a hospital gown on and then I would be completely naked and-"

"Annie, I'm only telling you once. If you don't do what I say, lord help you." She said, raising her voice.

I went through the options. I could make a run for it, dragging along my IV pole and all. I could somehow unplug these machines and fake flatlining. I could hit the button on my bed and call the nurse in here for distraction.. Or I could tell the truth.

I made sure the covers were pulled up to my waistline and I slowly lifted up my hospital gown to the top of my stomach. I glanced at the obvious long lines going across my ribcage and some around my belly button area. I figured sense I did it with my fingernails they would be gone by now, but I guess I dug too deep.

I slowly rose my head and looked at Demi. Her mouth was slightly hanging open, she's pale, her fingers are tightly clutched around her iPhone. Her eyes were filled with hurt. I've let her down.

I looked over at Marissa who was gripping the couch and her eyes were glued to my stomach, just as Demi's were.

Having enough of feeling like a zoo animal, I pulled down the gown and brought the covers to my chin.

Demi didn't say a word.

She just left.

Marissa looked between me in the door, just as shocked as I was. She walked over to me and signaled for me to scoot over, so I did.

She climbed in next to me and held my hand. No words, just silence. I felt a tear trickle down my face.

Demi left me. She can't handle anymore of this shit I burden on her. Even though she probably would never admit it, I'm sure she wishes the antidepressants would've just taken me.

"Demi is just shocked." Marissa finally spoke. "She probably needs time to think and how she'll deal with.. This. It all hit her at once."

I nodded a little, and felt my hands get clammy. What if I ruined everything? The relationship between me and Demi? Everything. I probably screwed everything up.

"She hasn't slept in two days straight." Marissa continued. Which, is also my fault. "She's worried sick about you, Annie. She doesn't understand why you'd want to take your own life. She feels like she failed you as a mother."

I didn't protest. Even through none of its true, I think Marissa knows that. So, I sat there. I sat there hoping that something would happen where the machines started beeping one solid beep and the heart rate goes flat. I wish something would happen and everything would be over.

I should've talked to Demi in the first place. How fucking stupid am I? Antidepressants make you happy. What the hell was I thinking? No, idiot they have to be prescription. Five? Really, dumb ass? Thinking back at all my silly mistakes, I find it hard not to think that this was all part of a plan. Usually I would have common sense. Maybe this was all supposed to happen for some odd reason.

Minutes later, I heard Marissa snoring in my ear. Demi still hasn't returned and it's killing me. I need to find her. I haven't walked yet, and the Doctors say I'm not allowed to because of how weak I am, but what they don't know can't hurt them, right?

I slowly sat up, careful not to wake up Marissa. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, and gently sat my feet on the ground. I grabbed the IV pole, and rose.

I almost couldn't believe how weak I am. I knew they said I would be super weak, but I didn't expect this. My legs are wobbling from underneath me just by standing, let alone walking. But, I need to find Demi. I need to get to her.

As I took tiny and painful baby steps toward the door, my hands gripped the bed for support. I wish I wouldn't have taken those damn pills. This isn't worth it, at all.

I heard movement from behind me and I peeked over my shoulder, but it was just Marissa shifting in her sleep.

I've let everyone down. Madison, Demi, everyone. Not only does Conners words play trough my head like a broken record all day ever day, but now Madison's does too. What happened with Conner is what you would see on a movie. It felt like a joke. I still don't know what he was talking about. I was supposed to be in school two days ago, but ya' know, I'm in bed rest.. Sorta.

I came to the edge of the bed and focused on the four foot walk, with no support, I had to make it to the door. I took in a deep breath, then let go of the bed.

I started taking tiny movements forward. I don't want to risk the chance of me going to fast and something happening.

I began going through my head things I should say to Demi when I get out there. First, of course, Demi will probably be pissed that I'm walking but when she gets over that I can apologize for not coming to her and scratching up my stomach.

I could tell her how much I love her and she's the best mom in the world to make her feel better. It's the truth, anyway.

Before I knew it, I was one step away from the doorway. Finally! My legs are literally trembling.

All of a sudden, I lost balance. I swayed my arms out in front of me trying to grab something to help me get steady, but my legs came out from underneath me, and I landed on my back with a hard thud.

The only thing I remember was every bone in my body turning into agonizing pain.

"ANNIE MARIE!" I heard Demi yell from a distance.

If this pain doesn't kill me first, Demi will.