Northern lights

42. Vengeance

Rosalie Tyrell

"Fuck, fuck, fuck", I repeat over and over, pacing my chambers. 

Not only had the bratty king been killed, but what followed after was far worse. Cersei placed blame on Sansa and Tyrion, arresting Tyrion in the process but Sansa was nowhere to be found. I was looking around, hoping to see her so we could run - I don't even know where, but we'd figure it out together. Now, Sansa is gone and I haven't the slightest clue how to protect her. I don't even know how to protect Tyrion.

Jaime remained with Cersei, the pained look in his eyes forever etched in my mind. I abhor his entire family except for Tommen and Myrcella, but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would. Joffrey had died and he suffered greatly while choking on his own vomit, yet I cannot be entirely happy when I know it caused Jaime to suffer. 

Closing my eyes, I fall back on my bed. My bottom lip is held tightly by my front teeth, my forearms covering my eyes and I let out a heavy sigh. "Wish you were still here", I whisper, "You'd know what to do."

Robb would surely be capable of finding a way to solve this mess. He would have protected Sansa, he would have even helped Tyrion if I asked. He would, I know he would. I miss him. I miss him more than before, if that's even humanly possible. 

A hard thud against the wooden door breaks me from the nostalgic thoughts as I sit up, looking at a crestfallen Jaime who stops only a few steps inside. His eyes are wide, his lips parted and I notice his lower one quiver. 

Rushing toward him, I manage to grab him into an embrace just as he falls to his knees, bringing me down as well. His arms wrap around me soundly, his head buried in the nook of my neck and I draw a shuddered breath as his heavy breathing is interrupted by a whimper.

"It's alright", I speak softly, "You don't have to be brave with me." And as I reassure him, Jaime's whimpers become louder and his hold on me tighter. 

It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. A heart breaks in the heaving waves of a new disturbing reality that has arrived uninvited. It is the one in which their child no longer lives and this will change Jaime. He will never heal from it, only hide it in the darkest corners of his mind. He will always want to find the culprit, to avenge his son. I know he won't be able to rest until then. 

I didn't lose a child, I lost the love of my life. I lost Robb while he was alive and then the chance to reconcile as well. I will never forgive Frey for it. I will never forgive the Boltons either. I know the culprits, I simply need to find a way to avenge him - Robb...my Robb.

Until then, I will live as I can. I will hold Jaime as he grieves because he had done the same for me. When Jaime cried there was a rawness to it, like the pain was an open wound. He clasps onto me for support, and his whole body shakes. The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he would break down entirely, all his defenses washed away in those salty tears. When he at last moved away,  showing his face to me, he was a picture of grief, loss, devastation. It was the face of one who had suffered before and didn't know if he could do it again. Losing his freedom, his hand and now his son have all contributed to Jaime Lannister's break.

"Thank you." He whispers, voice hoarse and I nod, pressing my lips together.

"I'm always going to be here for you."

Shaking his head, Jaime averts his gaze to my hands, "You hated him. Everyone did."

"Does that mean that I'm not allowed to soothe you? You loved him", I reach for his hand, "Your pain is my pain. Isn't that what a husband and wife are supposed to do? Help each other get through everything?"