Northern lights

58. A gnawing feeling

Jon Snow - The Wall 

Approaching the gates, Jon lead the Hardhome survivors. A chill in the air remained, filling everyone with dread after all they've witnessed. 

Locking eyes with Alliser, Jon couldn't help but wonder if the man will do as he was ordered or  will he defy him now. It would be a lie if Jon said he didn't wish for defiance because he's been itching for a reason to solve his issues with a man who has been given far too many chances. 

Alliser looks down at the group as Jon steps forward. 

"Open the gates", Alliser orders and Jon stares at him, his jaw clenched in silent rage he must never reveal without a probable cause. 

The Wildlings walk through the gate, some half-embraced after the horrors and the loss. Sam waits for Jon who can hardly speak, voice thick with emotion.

"It was a failure."

"It wasn't", Sam manages a small smile.

"I went to save them. I failed", Jon insists, his heart clenching in pain as the iron fist of self-doubt and guilt grip the tired muscle flailing helplessly inside his chest.

"You didn't fail him", Sam looks to one of the Wildlings, "Or him, or her." Smiling, Sam taps Jon's shoulder, "Every one of them is alive because of you, and no one else."

Sighing, Jon swallows thickly, "I don't think that fact's lost on them."

Entering the courtyard, Jon felt like his legs might give out. After the trip, the battle for survival, and now the never-ending feeling of guilt, he could hardly stand. He looks up, noticing his men glaring at him. His gaze finds Olly on top of the stairs, staring at him as well.

Alliser walks down the steps, stopping next to Jon. "You have a good heart, Jon Snow." 

Jon couldn't believe Alliser would say a single word of praise to him, convinced he's imagining things from the lack of sleep and stress he had endured.

Leaning closer, Alliser adds, "It will get us all killed."

Clenching his jaw, he gritted his teeth as Alliser walked away. He should have expected as much from him, but he refused to believe it to be true. Bringing the Wildlings here is a matter of mind, not heart. It's better to have more bodies on his side than walkers on theirs.

Jaime Lannister - Dorne

It's been an entire day since he laid eyes on Rosalie. Jaime couldn't stop the nagging feeling eating away at his sanity - a gut feeling that something had happened to her.

Even now, as they escorted him to Doran's room, Jaime's eyes wandered to every open door in search of his wife. Yesterday's thoughts of her possibly being with child consumed him. It would make perfect sense considering how moody she had been for months, more so how distant she's been with him. 

Perhaps she's scared he wouldn't be happy about it? Perhaps she's worried it would ruin their relationship? 

How silly she would be if that's true, because Jaime couldn't imagine a better future for the two of them. He'd be ecstatic. His love for her would grow even more than it does now and he didn't even know if his heart could beat without her as it is.

Entering the room, Jaime bows, "Prince Doran."

"Forgive us, we started without you", showing Jaime to a chair at the table, Doran smiled curtly, "Please, sit."

Turning to his daughter, Jaime frowned at her glare. "Princess Myrcella."

"Uncle", her voice is calm, levelled. It's a curtesy, but her eyes betray her as they did when she was a child.