Northern lights

63. A reason

Jon Snow - Castle Black

Breathing, finally breathing. It's as if Jon's been submerged under ice cold water for years and he's finally been given a chance to come up for air. Every moment since he left Winterfell was created because he did not know where he belongs. 

Jon romanticized Castle Black, imagining himself to a hero. His uncle was supposed to be there to guide him, his father should have been alive and visited with Robb and he should have been happy being a ranger. None of those things happened and as the dreams turned awry, Jon did not know how to wake up.

Uncle Benjen, his father, his brother, Rosalie - they're all dead and his little brothers and sisters have been lost for years as well. While he gave all of him to the Night's Watch, they plotted his demise. He gave one life for them, his second one will be for him.

He hasn't got the slightest clue where he'll go, but he cannot stay here and fight for a cause he no longer believes in. If he's entirely honest, he hasn't believed in it for a long time. 

Longclaw is lying on a table, the mark of men who came before him who had lost their lives to the Night's Watch as well. It's a sore reminder of the past he'd rather leave behind.

Dolorous Edd lifts and admires it, then turns to Jon who is putting some items in a bag. "Where you gonna go?"

I don't know, he wants to say, but "South" leaves his mouth instead.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Get warm", Jon cracks a smile. What else is there to do? Perhaps he'd pay a visit to Walder Frey on his way, but Jon would rather leave the Seven Kingdoms entirely. A part of him wants to visit Highgarden, simply to feel closer to Rosalie, but that would be self-destructive for he'd never leave. 

Edd places Longclaw on the table. Unlike Jon, Edd has a darker theme on his mind, one Jon's been haunted by for a long time now. "I was with you at Hardhome. We saw what's out there. We know it's coming here. How can you leave us now?"

Smile faltering, Jon presses his lips together before speaking. "I did everything I could. You know that."

"You swore a vow", Edd remarks a little sterner, his left eye narrowing ever so slightly at Jon.

"Aye, I pledged my life to the Night's Watch. I gave my life." Jon reminds him, unblinking.

Stepping closer, Edd continues, "For all nights to come."

"They killed me, Edd! My own brothers." Jon swallows thickly as he realizes he's gotten too loud. Speaking in a hushed tone, he continues. "You want me to stay here after that?"

A single horn sounds outside. Jon's wide eyes lock on the doorway. Rushing to the door, he hears the rustling at the gate.

"Riders approaching!"

"Open the gate!"

The southern gates open. Sansa, Brienne and Podrick enter the courtyard on horseback. The Night's Watch and the Wildlings all watch them carefully. Tormund stares intently at Brienne with the slightest inkling of a smile upon his lips. The trio dismount from their horses just as Jon and Edd emerge onto a balcony overlooking the courtyard. 

Sansa slowly spins around until she and Jon lock eyes. For the first time in a long time, Jon's heart feels hope as he quickly descends from the balcony and walks to Sansa. Pausing, he looks her up and down as his vision blurs before grabbing her into a bone-crushing embrace.