Northern lights

15. Boy no more

Emerging from the water, feeling the droplets slide down my now scarred skin, I shiver in the cold. The winds are unforgiving in the north, much worse than anything I've known in my sheltered life in Highgarden. Sheltered for I knew not of cold nor death I've come eye to eye in my time here. I've seen death when the knife plunged inside me, twisting and turning my insides until my consciousness was withering and my body gave into the pain. It pulled me up and faced me, it laughed at me as I writhed in my weakness.

Being good will not save you from death. It will only bring you closer.

It's why I refuse to cower in the hot spring and hide from the cold for I have no one to protect me if I cannot protect myself. Robb says he would, but I do not wish to depend on any man, no matter how great. After all, Robb is still a boy in more ways than one. He's brave, but only on the surface - just as I am. But I'm hardening, slowly but surely my skin is turning impervious to pain any living creature can inflict upon me.

I take a deep breath, feeling as if I'm no longer alone in this chilly night. Someone's eyes linger on my frail and naked body, clinging to every curve and imperfection a dress usually hides. It's not a stare, but like a distant touch that takes away a sense of privacy and creates unwanted intimacy.

"I'm sure you can understand if I shoot an arrow at your head right now." My voice is stern, cold as the winter that's coming. It's a warning, clear as the night that opens the sky for stars to shine through and light the way for those who wander.

A man coughs, clearing his throat awkwardly. I glance over my shoulder, noticing someone I've become addicted to.

Robb.

"Oh. It's you." I state, failing to reproduce my initial hostility. Instead, I turn completely - facing him, the water around me creating ripples with the move. I don't bother hiding my body as he's already turned to his side with a wide smile of disbelief.

"You didn't seem so shy when you watched me from the shadows." I point out, slowly moving toward him. I'm shaking completely, teeth chattering the closer I get as the water level drops more and more.

"I - uh, I wasn't here for long. I worried and uh, went to find you. I apologize for my indiscretion. I just needed to make sure you are and would be safe." Robb explains, rubbing his chin as he looks ahead and into the woods, refusing to angle his body toward me. He didn't say anything after that, almost like he did not know what to say. He is peculiarly conscious of my approach, not looking even when I stand next to him, my arm near his.

I raise my hand, resting it on his cheek, gently tilting his face to meet my gaze. There's no shame, not when I stand in front of him - the man I intend to marry. He's reluctant, closing his eyes and holding his breath.

"Why did you close your eyes?" I smile with my words, realizing he's the one who doesn't know how to behave with a naked woman standing in front of him, half shaking in the freezing night.

"I do not wish to insult you, my lady. I am to be your husband and I value your opinion of me." He is handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. He is handsome from his generous opinions to the touch of his hand upon my own. I love the way his voice quickens when he talks to me, or is enjoying mine that he loses himself for a moment and quite forgets the mask he wears for others. But most of all, I love how respectful he is. I lost sight of that today and I keep forgetting that we're both flawed, but he's the one making an effort to mend what breaks between us. Even now, Robb is honourable and refusing to invade on my purity despite my willingness to give into his touch.

"You're quite right, my lord. You are to be my husband. I am not ashamed of your eyes lingering on my body, scarred as it is now. I trust you, Robb. I'm not scared of you." I reassure him, cupping his face, leaning into his body until the warmth of his furry coat engulfs me just as quickly as his arms do. He holds me close to him, wrapping me in the fur and unclasping his cloak once more to keep me from freezing to death.