GyllenHolland: Far From Home

Denial

When Tom woke up on Saturday he had a god awful hangover. His back was pressed against the couch, and his neck had a crook in it from not sleeping properly. He raised his head up off the couch seat, and realized his bottom half was naked. He didn't think too much of it until he checked his phone. The most recent text was from Jake.

"I had fun last night."

Tom assumed he was talking about hanging out at the bar, until he scrolled up through the chat. His skin turned pale, and he practically almost passed out when he saw the countless pictures and videos from Jake jacking off. What's worse is he's the one who initiated it. He deleted all the stuff him and Jake did last night, and clutched his abdomen.

Drinking on an empty stomach wasn't sitting right with him. He ran to the bathroom, and reached the toilet bowl just in time to vomit. He held tightly onto the edges, yacking his guts up. He finally leaned back onto his knees, and wiped his mouth. He flushed the toilet, and went to go find pants. He knew that the alcohol caused him to throw up, but the Jake situation definitely had an influence on him too.

Alas, Tom convinced himself that it was purely the alcohol that made him do it. Which was not a complete lie, but deep down he knew that this was something he wanted. Jake was like a heavy rock on his heart that he couldn't get rid of.

While putting on pants, he decided to request for a therapy session. It'd been a while since he last visited with her, and everything that he just went through was pretty traumatic.

"Hey, Kelly! Do you have any open spots for me to come in today?"

While he awaited her response he texted Jake back as well.

"Idk what you're talking abt. Nothing happened last night."

Kelly answered after he texted Jake.

"Sure, can you be here by 10? We can have a 30 minute session."

"I'll see you then."

Tom then decided to take a shower, even though he'd just put on a fresh pair of trousers. He smelt of alcohol and disgust, and needed to purify himself somehow.

During his shower Jake texted back, which he heard but ignored. He didn't want to think about the Jake problem anymore, he only wanted to clear his head.

When he was out of the shower and dressed, two of his mates he was renting the apartment with came home. Completely hammered.

"Don't fucking throw up on my bed you drunks." He joked.

"Er-shut urp." Chase slurred.

"Alright well I'm leaving. I've got places to be. See you later. " And with that Tom was out the door: twenty minutes until his appointment started.

——————

"Hi Mr. Holland, how are we today?" His therapist questioned.

"You don't have to call me that, you can just call me Tom." He said nervously. "And I'm not doing so well at the moment. I haven't been doing well for the past few weeks actually."

"Well what's been going on?"

Tom fidgeted in his seat. "I've started shooting scenes for the new Spider-Man movie, and it's been stressful. I have to remember so many lines I can't think straight. Not to mention having to remember what interviews or what place to meet up at. It's all just been a lot."

"Okay, what are some of the positive aspects?"

"I don't understand."

"You've named a bunch of the negatives, what are some of the positives?"

He actually hadn't thought about the positive aspects. "Well I get to work with my friends Z and Jacob again. I get to meet the coolest people, and the most heartwarming fans. I also- uh, nevermind." He was going to tell her about getting to work with Jake and how close they'd gotten, but Jake was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

"What were you going to say Tom?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Okay, we're going to come back to this. But as far as I'm concerned, you seem to be doing fine. You said it yourself. You get to meet the coolest people, and you get to work with your friends. So my advice to you is to go with the flow."

"Easier said than done." He smartly replied.

"Try it Tom. It might make you feel better. You don't want to stay in your own head for too long, that's not good. So please consider it." Kelly shuffled some papers around on her desk. "Now, I know you might not want to talk about this, but what were you going to say before? It's my goal to help all my clients feel much better leaving, then when they walked in."

Tom sighed and played with the ends of his flannel sleeves. "I don't want to say too much, but, let's say I was drunk, and did something." He breathed out. "Something that I've kind of wanted for a while. Does that mean the alcohol made me do it? Or did, like, I know what I was doing?"

"People often say alcohol gives you the balls to do something you could never do sober. So yes, the alcohol could have made you do it, but if this was something you've wanted to do for a while now, then I'd say your subconscious was mainly behind it."

Tears started to form in the corner of his eyes. He couldn't believe that he actually wanted this. Jake, to be specific. He's not into men, he can't be. Could he? And if he was why would he be into someone 16 years older than him?

"Tom, I can tell you're thinking. Do you want to talk about it?"

He wiped the tears away. "No."

They wouldn't have had time to talk about it anyways. Kelly's alarm went off, signaling for the session to be over.