Chapter 34

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Chang Ying patted her butt and left Feifei behind. By the time, she was fine bathing, Mo Yue came to tell her that they left some breakfast for her.

It seemed Feifei had already left for school, while Grandpa Lu and Mo Yue had to leave to meet some other villagers who raised a lot of poultry to source for interesting advice.

They were very much taken by the new poultry idea Lu Chen suggested, Chang Ying happily left it all to them. It wasn't a bad thing if the family had a new source of income.

By midmorning, Chang Ying was strolling through the market Street in town. One one hand, she was looking at the shops, the goods in sale, coating quality and cost of various items.non the other hand, she was rattling her brain to try to retrace her footsteps.

She had to find the shop she sold her wedding gown.

After a few twists and turns around similar looking shops and narrow pathways, she finally spotted a shop she was fairly confident was the one she had been looking for.

One she stepped in, she noticed the noticed the work tools on sale and her confidence rose. Just them, a balding  middle aged man stepped to the storefront from inside. "Ah, want to buy something?"

Chang Ying immediately recognised the man. A bright smile of relief brightened her face as she greeted the shop owner. "Do you remember me? I'm..."

"It's you, the nice girl that sold me the dress for my daughter!" The man's eyes softemed with warmth. "Of course, I remember you. My daughter and I are very happy with that dress. Ah, if you want to buy a tool today, I guarantee a good discount. Pick any one!"

Chang Ying grimaced and clenched her hands together in front of her nervously. "Err...this is very embarrassing but I hope you could sell that dress back to me."

The warm look on the man face darkened. "What do you mean?" Is there a problem.

"No, you see..." Chang Ying sighed, "When I sold that dress, my family needed money badly and pawnshops didn't gave me a good price. We needed money for a lot of thing."

The man frowned and nodded slowly. "I remember you were pale even though it was fairly hot that day, and I saw bandages under your sleeve."

"I was injured then and the treatment wasn't cheap. That was one of the reasons. My family has an elderly man, a sickly child and lots of debts, we couldn't afford food back then. I sold that dress out of desperation."

The man raised his hand to stop her and wanted to speak.

"Please wait," she pleaded with him, her voice laced with desperation. 'That dress was made for me by my aunt. She seeded every stitch and embroidered every inch by herself. It's something she made for years for my wedding. She is almost a second mother to me, please. This dress means a lot. I am willing to pay you double or triple for it. This is my own misjudgment. I didn't consider things well and I wasn't filial enough. Please don't refuse me!"

The man hesitated, then cast his gaze down, almost ashamed. "I'm sorry,I can't give it back to you."

Chang Ying was stunned. Her eyes stung with moisture and her chest felt tight. "W...why? If I have to wait then I will wait. I promise I won't ruin any wedding plans and make people find another dress last minute. I can wait, please."

The man raised his eye and looked at her. His gaze was filled with sadness. "I told my daughter I personally commissioned someone to make it for her. She doesn't know it's...it's another person's gown."

Chang Ying felt the air get stick in her throat. "

"I absolutely can't take that dress back or it will break our father-daughter relationship."

"Is it so...serious?"

"Hmm," the man nodded grimly. "I didn't treat my wife and daughter well for years. When I served in the army, I had an injury and...I couldn't have more children. After that, my family would not let me raise my head because I didn't have anyone to carry the family name. So I was resentful that my daughter was not a son. I didn't send her to school or protect her when our relatives bullied her, my wife did that. My daughter became more disappointed when my family nearly married her off to a country secretary after she finished Junior high. But after my wife passed away two years ago, I realised she is the only loved one I have left. This dress..."

Their eyes met, the deep emotions they now both attached to the dress was convred. Thousands of words passed between them without a single one said. A moment of silence settled around the two of them. Each one measuring the other's sorrow.

The man spoke finally, "My daughter smiled at me for the first time in years when she saw that dress. She loves it  a lot, I think she has tried it on several times. Since I gave it to her, she stared opening up and talking to me happily about the family plans she and her future husband have been making. Yesterday, she even asked me for advice. Nowadays, I believe I won't live out the rest of my life alone. But if I take the dress away,i will really disappoint her. I don't know if she will even look at me again."

Chang Ying waved her hand. "Don't worry, I understand."

"Little girl, this dress already means too much to my family. I hope you understand."

Chang Ying forced her lips to turn up but it appeared painfully sad on her face. "I am glad my dress is able to bring a bit of happiness to someone else. I will leave now. Have a good day."

Without another word, she turned on her heel and left.

Outside, her feet moved without her conscious decision. She walked like a ghost in the bright, bustling market street. She didn't know when but Chang Ying fekt moisture wet her cheeks.

Chang Ying wiped her cheeks as she realised, not everything lost could be recovered. For some things, once she gave them up, they became another person's who could truly value them, gone forever.

She bit her lips painfully. She thought rebirth was a big cheat. That she would only recover and reclaim...she was too naive. Even in her past life, even though she couldn't be with Lu Chen and she suffered a lot, she never lost that dress. A wedding dress was a precious thing, she was fortunate to have a beautiful one, with a lot of love poured into making it and a lot of memory and vows attached to it. But when did such sentimental things become trade-able?

Chang Ying realised she was too rash when she first arrived in her past. She rushed to change things before she could settle her own heart. Now she lost something dear, she had gotten so used to being alone, she didn't consider the feeling of the people who existed here in this timeline, still alive.

Chang Ying numbly made her way back home to the village.

The trip back was a good time for genuflect and settle her emotions. She stilled her turbulent heart and tried to refocus on her goals.

To cut off Feifei's golden finger

To reclaim her husband and stabilise their relationship.

To help her family, both her husband's and her maiden family

To live well

To be happy

To...

As she recited her goals, big and small, her heart settle and formed its calm. Still, it felt a little empty. Chang Ying had been a little hesitant about her relationship since her rebirth.

Lu Chen was her heart-wish but years of compulsory cynicism had made her cautious. She was still pondering whether their relationship could truly work out. She had been alone for so long, it was hard to go back to being married.

At least, when she was alone, it was. Her mind started pondering, doubting and raising up barriers.

A premonition dawned on Chang Ying. Rebirth, second chance, was not easy. In this life, she was at a disadvantage, she was only still growing closer and reconnecting to the people who loved her and existed her. If she took actions without settling her feelings, or considering their own, she might lose many more precious things. 

Not everything lost can be reclaimed again.

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