Shades of Mr. Faulkerson(COMPLETED)

SOF- Chapter 88

Chapter 88

My heart is filled with pure emptiness. I feel absolutely nothing. No anger. No hurt. No disappointment. No need to cry. Nothing. It's like I stopped feeling. In only a blink of an eye, I stopped feeling. Stopped being human.

I stare at the white ceiling, unable to find any sleep. That's how it has been since I got the news. Since my mother told me what happened. Since I stopped being human.

Sleep is overrated. Feelings are overrated. Talking is overrated.

He says he's there for me. I am able to talk to him. Talk about my feelings. Feelings which don't exist for me. Feelings I am not able to feel.

My eyes move over to his sleeping figure. His arm is embracing my body. Embraces us. Even our child has stopped making me vomit. It's like it is in grief as well.

Grief over the death of the only father figure I ever knew. Ray.

I carefully pick his arm up, so I could get up. He grumbles, but continues sleeping. Dressed in a silk light blue nightgown, I walk barefoot out of the room. The soft warm beige carpet gets replaced by warm marble stone floor as I walk into the corridor. It's the first time I notice my gold painted toes. I painted them two days ago. They look like nothing has happened.

I let my hands glide to the golden doorknob. It's cold. It hasn't been touched since two days. I open the door and get greeted by a soft light. The moon is shining directly at me, through the french windows. It's also shining at the piano. A piano I haven't touched for two days. Without switching on the lights, I close the door. The room which used to fill me with inspiration, leaves me now as before. No muse is kissing me. I feel - once more - nothing. I brush through my dark brown locks, thinking I should cut them shorter. They reach my navel by now. Maybe I should get a short cut. Change something.

No things will change soon enough. Things already changed. Some things should remain.

I let my fingers glide over the keyboard of the piano, creating a soft melody. What used to fill me with joy, now leaves me nothing. I still feel nothing. I look around and see nothing to get seated on except for the chair in front of the piano. I should have a couch in here. Or an armchair. Or both.

I walk over to the windows and look straight into the bright shining full moon. A moon, I would have described as beautiful two days ago. But now... Now it's just a moon. A moon shining over a city. A typical city. Manhattan has lost it's glory as well. The former breathtaking view makes me feel nothing. I feel numb.

Numbness, yes that's what I feel. I am lifeless. A lifeless human, who is caring a human being. A child. A baby. But even the baby is feeling numb.

I shiver as I feel a cold breeze touching my bare skin. Goosebumps are coating my skin, making me feel nothing. I'm not cold. My body is just reacting. Reacting to the environment. That hasn't stopped yet. I am still able to react.

Just not to feel.

I turn around, seeing him standing in the doorframe. So that has caused my body to shiver. He's wearing his usual light grey sweatpants with the words unbreakable stiched in big letters on the right leg. Unbreakable. Am I already broken? I don't know. I feel nothing.

Usually his image would take my breath away. Make my blood flow faster through my veins. Awake my synapses.

But I feel nothing. I'm numb.

He walks into the room, still staying nothing. Is he copying my numbness? I don't think so.

Even in my numbness I recognize his glamorous movements. My eyes see it. React to it. But my body... I feel nothing. No passion. No lust. No sexual desire. No love. Nothing.