The Two of Us

Let Me See What You Have!

"Blair... don't do it."

She did not pause. She paid my words no mind, only grinned mischievously.

"No, wait. Don't do it. Please."

I was struck with a snowball, most of which managed to slip past the barrier of my clothes and make contact with my bare skin.

"Aw, fuck. Blair, it's cold," I whined, dragging her name out.

"Snow does tend to be that way."

"You're such a smart ass."

"I know."

"I hope you understand that I'll have to hit you with a snowball now."

Blair gasped and placed a hand on her chest. "You wouldn't."

"I would."

And I did.

She picked up a handful of snow and practically slapped it against my jacket.

"Okay, that's cheating. You're supposed to throw the snow, B."

"I don't see any official rules written out and don't recall any being spoken aloud," she told me, "so as far as I'm concerned, it's not. And if it is, I don't care. I've decided to be a troublemaker now." As if to further prove that, she picked up more snow and did the same thing again.

"Wow. Okay." I did my best to get it out of my clothes and look annoyed. "What are you gonna do next, you miscreant? Pick that up and lob it at my fucking head with full force?" I pointed to the base of our snowman.

Blair laughed. "In a feat of Herculean strength maybe."

"Eh, you could manage it."

"I'm fairly certain I would end up killing you."

"That's in the Fun Winter Activities list that got buried beneath the rulebook you decided to ignore."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Right on page two, sandwiched between building a snowman and sledding, you'll find 'accidentally killing your girlfriend'."

"Is it really an accident if it's on a pre-established list of activities? Surely it becomes intentional if you see it there and decide to do it."

"The 'accidental' part comes when you get caught. You claim it was an accident but in actuality, it was obviously premeditated."

"Well, as thrilling as that sounds, we've worked too hard on that base for me to utilize it as a one-use murder weapon," Blair said. "Plus, it would be extremely sad if you died."

"Hm... maybe you're right."

"Nope. Hush. There is absolutely no maybe there. Now come on, let's assemble our man."

"I don't like the way you worded that last part."

"Let us retrieve our man's body parts and piece him together."

"That's worse."

She stuck her tongue out. "Good."

It snowed like, an assload the night prior. I was texting Blair in the morning... you know, as usual, and after learning that I had never really made a snowman before, she started trying to convince me to come over so that we could build one together. She even FaceTimed me so that I could see her doing puppy dog eyes, which was, of course, what made me cave.

"I'm still surprised by how insistent you were that we do this."

We began the process of putting our snowman together.