The Soldier's Girl

New beginnings

I woke up a little earlier this morning. A cool breeze was making its way through our bedroom window. I turn to my alarm clock that stands on my wooden bedside table.
Exactly 7am. That does not happen often, usually it's at such a random time like 6:53.

I slowly swing my feet off the bed and pad over to the window that was open a few inches away, to shut it. I had completely forgotten we were in December now. It seemed only yesterday it was summer. I crawl back into bed and hum softly as my head hits the soft pillow beneath me.

I open my eyes wider and blink a few times to focus my vision. In front of me is Steve. He is laying on his side and is facing away from me. I slowly start to trail my hand up and down his back. I take a minute just to think. I rarely get a minute to myself now a days.

Ever since we found out Bucky was the Winter Soldier, Steve, Sam and I had been following every possible lead. I was promised a break but I didn't exactly get that. Sure Steve and I definitely got more time together but it just seemed this Bucky situation was being rushed. Which made me feel guilty because I too wanted nothing more than my best friend back and I feel as though we could help Bucky so much. But when I put myself in his shoes I would be terrified to be found. Being tracked down by the people I killed, not only that but what remains of HYDRA. I felt for Bucky and I knew he needed time. I wanted to give him that but I also didn't want to argue with Steve. He would stay up for hours every night arguing with himself, pulling his hair trying to figure out where our brunette soldier was.

I sighed out deeply.
Should I feel selfish for wanting alone time with Steve? I just wanted a couple of days spent together where we didn't have to worry about anything and just take time for the two of us. You're probably thinking the same as I am.

I shouldn't have gotten into the job I have.
But that was before all this happened.

I thought Steve and Bucky were dead. There was nothing left for me. And SHIELD gave me the distraction I needed in life. It was my life. Maybe unhealthy at times but it was my home. I built it from the ground with my two best friends. It was everything I needed...until Steve walked back into my life.

There were so many more possibilities and doors I could go down now. But I didn't want to speak my mind. I had always been able to confront people, it was part of my job. But when it came to Steve I was scared. I know it's silly but when you loose someone close to you for a long time, when you get them back you want to hold on to them. You have to.

I relied on Steve for everything. Again, that could be argued as unhealthy but I didn't view in that way. I knew I was independent, confident and smart by myself. But Steve gave me my happiness. He was the reason I lived life to the fullest. If I argued with him, in a way I thought it would distance us and I would loose him all over again. But this time it would be worse because he would be living his life without me.

Pushing those thoughts out of my head I curl up close to Steve, wanting to feel his comfort. Maybe today I could convince him to come outside and relax with me.

Hopefully.

I stayed awake just like that for another hour until Steve stirred. He rolled onto his back and let out a long breath. I immediately laid my head on his chest and squeezed him hard between my arms scared that if I let go he would leave.

Steve chuckled at my actions and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head into his torso and took in his scent. He kissed the top of my head.
"Steve?" I whisper.
"Yes?" He whispered playfully back.
"You won't leave me will you?" I ask uncertainly. With the pause that came I regretted my decision to even open my mouth in the first place.

Before he spoke he moved my position in his arms so he could get a better look at the nervous look I knew my face held. He brought his right hand up to lift my chin and meet his concerned gaze.
"Of course I won't. Baby, what's wrong?" He asked me.
"I-I don't know. I've just been thinking." I admit.
"Tell me. You can tell me anything." He said as he brushed his lips against mine.
"I don't want you to get mad at me." I speak barely above a whisper.
His hand that held my chin raised to hold my cheek instead.
"Ali I could never hate you." He told me.
"I just-I just feel selfish."
"Why?" He asked again. Not in a pushing way, more comforting than anything.
"I-. Can we just press pause for a few moments. Steve you know I love you and would do anything for you but, I just want at least one day where we don't have to worry about anything. Just you and me. Together. Seeing you try and pull your hair out every night trying to find Bucky while I just stand there-." I sigh as I cut myself off.

Steve never takes his eyes off me. A single tear rolls down my cheek and before I can wipe it away Steve kisses it away.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"Ali. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry. I should have noticed. I know you want to find Bucky as badly as I do but you haven't let it consume and take over you like I have. I'm sorry. Look it's three weeks till Christmas. We know Tony is holding a big Christmas party two days after so, why don't we take a break. The break you wanted. Ok? We'll go shopping for the others, we'll bake, we'll watch Christmas movies, I'll even take you ice skating. I don't care as long as it's with you."

I stare at Steve in admiration.
"You'd do that for me?" I ask.
"I would do anything for you." He smiled as he pulled me directly on top of him. My hands went round his neck and into his hair while his held onto my waist.
"Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me Steve." I say softly.
"Who knows, it may do me some good." He smiled.
"It will. I promise." I whisper staring into his eyes.

I see his eyes flicker to my lips and I smile as I lean in to kiss him. The kiss was soft and loving. I pulled away and looked deep into his eyes. This is why I fell in love with Steve and all those initial feelings came back making my chest feel warm.
"I love you so much." I say.
"You have no idea how much I love you." He replied before gently tugging on my neck and pulling me back into him.

We stayed in bed a while longer until we decided it was time to start our day.