Status Quo

Chapter 32 - No More Lies?

I take slow steps towards them and all this while Micheal hasn't even noticed me because he is too engrossed in his conversation with that Renae reminder.

I want to walk up to them and slap the girl across the face for trying to pull a fast one on me with my man. My steps falter as I realize the violent side of myself is resurfacing and I am about to do something that will make all my hard work to remain calm and level minded go down the drain.

I continue walking and when I am a few steps close to them Micheal notices me and a smile lights his face as our eyes connect, I find it hard to return the smile.

"Hey Jossie-" he starts but I walk past him and the Renae reminder with my fist clenched so that I don't lose my calm composure that I have just managed to grasp briefly.

I walk faster now that I have passed them, I open the cafeteria doors and stomp my way into the hallway. I see some seniors walking about, probably heading to their next class while we juniors are having lunch.

Shaze is standing by his locker which unfortunately is very close to the cafeteria door so he looks up when I push the door open with force. I stand there confused as to if I should ignore him and walk away or if I should try having a normal conversation with him.

It seems he had been having the same debate because he simply closes his locker and begins to walk past me, I wonder why he would ignore me so suddenly and I remember how rude I was to him the last time we spoke and even then he had helped me and I didn't need to be that rude to him.

"Shaze" I call and jog towards where he stopped and boy those long delicious legs of his really know how to take big strides. "I really need to talk to you"

"Why, so you can say more enlightening words?" he asks sarcastically and it hits me hard because this is the first time Shaze has ever taken up such a tone with me.

"I fucked up in the hospital big time" I say and run my hand through my hair, "I won't say I was going through a rough patch because that would just be an excuse and I'm sorry for the rude and harsh way I spoke to you"

I tap my foot anxiously on the floor because I am still not used to apologizing and honestly this is somehow a good start because Shaze is the first name on my list of people I need to apologize to. "I find it hard to trust people after Renae and the fact that you had been doing all that and going through emotional shit because of me wasn't allowing me to think properly and I selfishly didn't want you around me because then that would remind me that I fucked up in the past and still fucking up till now and I know this may sound like a whole load of bullshit to you after the way I hurt you but I hope that someday we can look back at all this useless drama and laugh about us being so dramatic as kids"

"What about what you said about you already liking someone else, was that also a lie to hurt me?" he asks and my heart thumps in my chest and I take an involuntary teensy weensy step back.

"It wasn't a lie" I say as memories of Micheal and I momentarily flash through my head, "I do like someone else"

"Then what you said on the rooftop about liking me, was that a lie?" he asks and his questions have begun to make me feel confused once more.

"That wasn't a lie" I say and I feel the need to urgently disappear because I don't like where this conversation is headed, because it makes me want to start questioning all the decisions regarding Micheal and loopholes I've given him so far despite his numerous errors, "I do like you.... No, I used to like you" I stammer, suddenly feeling unsure of myself and my feelings at the same time.

"I can't do this right now" I say and begin to feel the all too familiar throb in my head, "I need to think"

"No" Micheal says from behind me and I almost jump at the proximity of his voice, "She doesn't need to think about anything because there's nothing to think of" he holds my hands and begins to drag me in the opposite direction of Shaze which is towards the school greenhouse where I planted all the flowers I had received as gifts from my admirers, what an ironic place to have such a conversation.