Status Quo

Chapter 38 - Goodbye's Are The Hardest

My mom looks horrible, maybe it's because she hasn't slept in forever or the fact that she just lost another person that she loved deeply. Her hands that are holding mine look so frail and I fear that if I let go of them they would wilt away even further.

We're all dressed in all black, my bright red hair along with Flinette's have been pulled into a tight bun and then shoved under black hats so that the red doesn't remind us momentarily of hers.

Flinette is on the other side of my Mom, she is being held by Andre who hasn't left her side since she called him over yesterday. It makes me a bit jealous because I realize that there is no one like that for me, someone to stay with me and hold my hand and tell me that it is all okay and that I'll get through it while kissing my forehead.

My mom looks at me and pulls me closer to her and her hand comes around me and holds me closely like she's scared that I also will leave her just like our dad and now Adaira.

We've already walked past the coffin and looked at her one last time, it was hard but we managed it. As I passed her I couldn't bear to look at that face that would be hidden in a box and buried six feet underground, away from the sun, the wind, and most importantly her family.

I took a lot of my medication this morning, more than the normal dosage because the doctors said that I am not allowed to cry anymore because it could affect my health, so here I am, unable to cry and only watch painfully.

The smell of chocolates makes me stand up from the seat I had taken before even seeing the person. Shantele pulls me in for a hug and I wrap my arms tightly around her.

She doesn't say anything because she also believes that there's nothing you can really tell a grieving person that can make a difference, so the only thing to do is just to be there for them and offer them support.

She squeezes my hand and I can see her trying to hold in her tears and be strong for me. I love her for that.

The sight of blonde hair makes my stomach churn and immediately Shantele notices she takes me out the back door of the church and away from a potential dangerous scene that I would have caused.

Outside I see Shaze getting off his bike and as I watch him take off his helmet and shake his hair my heart clenches. Shantele rubs my hands and I turn my attention to her, she uses her head to point to Shaze.

"I'll be waiting right here for you" she says and gives me a little push so that I can walk towards Shaze.

I start slowly before breaking into a run and landing in his outstretched hands and he holds me so tightly that I feel like I might break and start crying all over again.

"I'm here for you" he says and I nod my head.

We stay like this, I find it comforting to be in the presence of someone who fully understands my pain. He was there when I lost my dad so he understands just how much Adaira means to us.

"Jossie" Micheal says from behind me and the tone of his voice is laced with disappointment, which is funny coming from him.

I turn slowly but keep my arms wrapped around Shaze, who in turn doesn't let go of me but only loosens his grip on me so I can turn slowly and look at Micheal.

"You came" I say and try to offer him a smile showing him that I am grateful he came to see off someone he barely knew.

He takes my hand and tries to pull me from Shaze, I frown at first, not completely understanding his intentions because the medication is slowing down my understanding.

I look down at my hand that is in his before looking back at his green eyes. I begin to feel sick from my stomach and I raise a finger slowly and stick it down my throat.