Bride of Sultan ~ The Bleeding Rose

22 ~ Begum and Sultan longing for each other

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Sultan POV

I came out of Zeenat's Chamber. I didn't know why my heart was beating so fast and I was feeling angry and frightened at the same time. I didn't know what Badi Ammi was going to ask for but somehow I was sure that I had to give her that. I didn't know how to deal with her.

I went to the courtroom to go through some proceedings and my almost whole day passed in it. Although I was physically present there but my whole concentration was fixed on My love, Zeenat, Badi Ammi and there was one more person Gulaab.

I didn't know why her face were coming into my vision again and again. I was feeling as if she was taking over my thought process. While talking to the wander of our court, I remembered the last week that I spent with her. 

I really get the chance to talk to her. She was bold and sensitive at the same time. She became impossible at some times and the best I understood about her was that if I talk to her calmly and try to make her understand, she would understand.

The courtroom meetings finished by the end of the day and I retired to my chamber. I was quite tired and depressed. Zeenat lost his husband, I didn't know what was happening to me. I was losing hope in everything. I didn't know where life was taking me to. I lost my love, I lost my parent, I lost my brother and now it was being very hard to keep myself alive.

I knew life was important and now when I was seeing myself getting ruined in the family politics. I didn't know what to do. My life was somehow a thence give by Badi Ammi and it was her right to take it back.

I entered my chamber and locked myself alone. It was almost evening and I wanted to spend some time alone. I was missing my love so much. I really wish if she was here and by that time we could also have a child. 

I removed my overcoat and threw it over the couch. No one lightened my Chamber till now, So I lit a lantern and a few candles first. I Looked around and my chamber felt so silent. I remember that a few days ago someone was staying here with me. 

The flashes of our wedding night came into my vision looking at the bed and I chuckled. I remembered how she tried to dominate me that night. She was beautiful no doubt but somehow I didn't want to hurt her with me. I had become an emotionless person now or precisely my emotions were killed at a very subtle age.

I looked at the couch and sat there removing my kurta. I looked at the metallic jar placed on the table and then at the glass. I didn't know why I was feeling the urge today to get a little high and forget everything.

I was upset, I really was. On the one hand, I couldn't see Zeenat crying for her husband like that and on the other, I couldn't stop myself from getting attracted to Gulaab. I didn't know what life wants from me.

In those seven years, I never felt attracted to any woman. I never thought that my heart would feel racing seeing any woman other than her. But it was now. It started beating for someone else. My brain was getting to her.

I didn't think twice before filling the glass with alcohol as my heart was losing control over my brain. And it was not permitted. I always promised myself that I would never see any woman if I didn't get her. But I didn't know what was happening to me now.

I drunk that glass in one go and that liquid caused a slight irritation in my throat. I ran the fingers through my hairs as I was feeling very low. I filled the glass again and it somehow started working. I lied my head slightly on the edge of the couch and looked at the roof.