"You know that dream is another name for something that..." Namjoon rehearsed
"You know that, dream is another..." He practiced in another fashion.
"It'll be alright. No matter how you'll say, it will turn out wonderful." I assured Namjoon who was nervous at the moment.
I was at the back stage with him when he was about to introduce the MAMA in Hong Kong.
The lights turned on and he walked on the stage with a smile. Thousands of eyes on him, cheering up with the roars. I watch him from the corner.
"Hi, my name is Kim Namjoon, also known of RM of BTS." He paused before continuing. "You know that dream is another name for something that expresses passion. And we know that we breathe through music.If I stop the challenges, my heart will also stop. My heart is still pounding with a new dream..... What makes you dream?" He asked and audience screaming with excitement gave me goosebumps.
"Wow. That was amazing." I said to him as he returns. "You're so good at things like these, I could never..." I imagine myself alone on the stage and the shut my eyes at the amount the anxiety I get just by the thought.
"It's okay... everybody's different." He said as he key his hand on my shoulder.
We got to our seats and joined the other members who praised Namjoon for his speech. As he sits I came to know there no more seats left in the row, but there's one in the next row besides Sunmi. There are two options Either I sit besides her or stand here long enough to embarrass myself.
I take small steps as I make my way towards the seat and I could feel the boys's eyes on me. She notices me and greets me with a smile in which I return my awkward half smile. She looked stunning and confident in her shimmery pink dress while I bet I looked like a stone in front of her.
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I got seated and remembered that I left my blanket with Jungkook. So I turn around and see the Maknae line playing tug of war will it. I feel so done with them. Soon I felt something on my legs and I see that Sunmi has shared her blanket with me. I thank her and keep my eyes forward at the performances.
As time passed, the boys at back we're going wild to the point that I wanted to pretend that I don't know them.
It was our time to perform and went went backstage. I changed into my outfit and stood in front of the mirror with the prescribed pills for anxiety in my hands which usually take before our performances. I don't feel like taking them, especially today. So I keep the back and head towards the stage.
The performance went quite well except the whole time I felt like I was about to make a mistake.
We returned to out seats and thankfully this time I got to sit with the other members. Taehyung was sweating like hell. His face was red as his hair and outfit. We won a few awards including Album of the Year. We had probably lost 200 calories just by walking up to the stage and coming back.
The Artist of the year was yet to be announced but I was ready to call it a day. "Artist of the year goes to BTS!" They announce and I got recharged by hearing those words. We group hugged before heading to the stage with 'Idol' blasting in the auditorium. As we walking our way to receive the award I feel myself overwhelming with all kinds of emotions.
J-hope takes the award in his hands and steps up to the mic. "ARMY!...... I worried a lot before coming up on stage, because we always want to show fans the best appearance and because we don't want to show you mistakes, I think we always prepare performances with a nervous heart. This award really--"
He paused and I couldn't see him having a hard time holding back his emotions. My heart crushed into million pieces when he snuffles and bursted into tears. He wanted to continue speaking but couldn't until he caught his breath. My tears wouldn't stop seeing him in so much pain. Jimin hugs him from back.
"I think I would've cried if I received this award and if I didn't this year. We went through so much and because we received so much love from all of you, we really wanted to repay you. I really thank you and I want to say thank you so much to the members who are with me in this moment. Thank you. I love you." He said sobbing.
Everybody was crying despite their failed attempts to control themselves yet comforting each other.
Jin comes forward when the award is handed to him. "ARMY. I'm really reminded of early this year. At the beginning of this year, we mentally had a really difficult time. So while talking amongst ourselves, we worried if we should disband or not."
Suddenly Taehyung crashes into arms and weeps onto my shoulder. Hearing Jin's words I remember how hard was this year all the fights and yet we are still here, together. I couldn't help but cry more.
"But we put our hearts together, and I think that we were really fortunate that we were able to produce good results like this. I'm so thankful to my members who were able to put their hearts together again and I want to say thank you members - I want to say thank you to the ARMYs - for loving us. Thank you."
Namjoon pushes me to say something, but I don't have anything left to say. Still I hold the ward in my hands, gazing at the purple lights. As I sweep my eyes across the crowd I stop back at one familiar face. I could see her. I could see her in the audience with a proud smile on her face.
"Mama, I made it. I made it till here. Are you are watching me?" I asked pointing the award towards her. She nodded and I couldn't help but choke up and feel confused on what should I feel. But then I realized one could be happy and sad, remorseful and mad, all at the same time.
Author's note
Sorry for the delay in update. Please vote for the chapter if you liked it. I will try my best to update another chapter next week 💜
