Through My Window

Original Edition: 38. The First Date II

- 38 -

Remember the awkwardness I felt at breakfast the other day with Ares' friends?

Well, I'm feeling something like that but much worse now.

Samy walks past me and heads over to greet everyone. With my hands in front of me, I interlace my fingers, I give a glance to Ares, who is now also greeting everyone.

What about me?

I hate that feeling of invisibility, of people acting like I don't exist or I'm not standing in front of them. Especially, this group of rich kids who are used to look at the clothes you're wearing and whether they're branded or not, whether they're from this season or not. And no, I'm not generalizing, there are many people who have money and are very humble, like Dani or Apolo, but right now, I can see the way the girls in this group stare at my clothes in detail and make faces. And the guys? They just watch me as if deciding whether I'm pretty enough to bother talking to me. 

I feel like it's been years, when it's only been seconds of standing here like an idiot. I struggle not to run away, not to run away from all those scrutinizing looks, and I clench my hands at my sides.

I'd like to say that it's Ares who turns and comes for me, but it's not. Samy is the one who takes pity on my miserable position and comes back for me.

"Come, Raquel, let me introduce you."

I fake a friendly smile, while she introduces me to everyone. There are three girls, the one with black hair is called Nathaly, a blonde next to her is called Darla and the brunette is that girl I saw at the Ares team party and who went to breakfast with us a few weeks ago, and her name is Andrea. There are two more guys besides Gregory, Luis and Marco. A blond guy introduces himself as Zahid and a guy with glasses named Oscar. I know I may not remember all those names, but I don't care.

I glance at Ares and see him sitting next to Nathaly on the other side of the table. It's my turn to sit next to Samy, who was the last one to sit down; next to her is Oscar and they seem to be talking about a music concert. Like a fool, I stare at Ares, who is still talking to Nathaly very avidly.

My stomach clenches with the weight of disappointment. Is that why you brought me here, Greek god? To push me aside and amuse yourself with past conquests? Lowering my gaze, seeing a glass in front of me on the table, I struggle with this bitterness in my chest that squeezes my stomach and my feelings.

It hurts...

I had so many expectations with this date, my first date with him. I painted so many different scenarios in my head, from romantic dinners to a simple cinema outing, or maybe just sitting and talking in his car as he drove around town.

But this was not the case.

Here I sit, with him across the table from me, feeling the same distance between us that has been there from the beginning. It's like if getting closer to him makes the distance grow.

The sadness is overwhelming, and I try not to let tears form in my eyes. Everyone around me is talking, laughing, sharing stories, and I am alone. It's like I'm just watching the scene, but I'm not part of it.

This is his world, his comfort zone, not mine. And he left me alone in it, without a care in the world. Ares doesn't look at me, not even once. And that's enough for tears to form in my eyes. With blurred vision I look down at my hands on my lap, at the skirt I did my best to pick out. What for?

I stand up and Samy turns to me, but I just whisper to her.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

Passing through a mass of people dancing, I let the tears fall down my cheeks, I know everyone is too busy having a good time to notice me. The music vibrates throughout the place and lowers as I go into the bathroom. I go into a cubicle and allow myself to cry quietly. I need to calm down, I don't want to be the dramatic one putting on a show for what they would consider silly. The thing is, this date meant a lot to me, and the disappointment of what turned out to be hurts.