Through My Window

Original Edition: 44. THE NEW AWAKENING

(44)

RAQUEL

A feeling of warmth and fullness comes over me when I open my eyes to find Ares asleep next to me. Something as simple as him being the first thing I see when I wake up can cause so many emotions in me, it makes me sigh and smile like an idiot.

He is lying on his back, his face slightly turned towards me. His black hair is messy, his long eyelashes caressing his cheekbones. He is so beautiful, but I feel like I've already pierced beyond his looks and seen the boy behind that perfect physique. The boy who doesn't know how to handle his emotions, who tries not to show weakness to anyone, who is playful when he's not sure what to do or cold when he feels prone to get hurt.

Anyone that meets Ares for the first time would say he's a perfect guy. When in reality, for me, he's been like an onion.

I know, strange choice of words and yet very appropriate. Ares has several layers, just like an onion, and with time and patience I have peeled them back to the sweet boy who told me he loved me last night.

I couldn't tell him that I loved him too. Why? That endless struggle to reach Ares' heart caused me many wounds. In every layer I peeled I lost a piece of me, of my beliefs, of my self-love. I still have wounds that have not healed. And there is a part of me that is very upset, not with Ares, but with myself for all that I allowed myself to lose for him.

I shouldn't be here. I should have told him to fuck off long ago. However, I can't command in my heart, I can't lie and say that I don't feel anything for him anymore, that I don't feel my stomach tickle and that I don't stop breathing when he looks at me with those mind-blowing eyes of his. I can't say that I don't feel completely happy waking up next to him.

Stupid love.

The dragon tattoo looks so good on his smooth skin. Uneasy, I raise my hand and trace my finger across his tattoo. My eyes travel down his arm and I can't help but stare at his abs. At some point during the night, Ares took off the bathrobe, leaving him in just boxers and, in fact, I'm not complaining. The sheet only covers him from the waist down, and I feel like a pervert licking my lips.

My hormones are raging, and if it weren't for the fact that Ares seemed very depressed last night, I wouldn't have let him stay, because this is too much temptation for my poor self. I stare at his lips and remember that night he gave me oral sex in his bed, how I clutched to the sheets on my sides, how I moaned, how it felt.

Stop it, Raquel! You're going to end up attacking him.

1... 2... 3.

Come on, self-control, I need you to recharge.

Mentally slapping my hormones, I withdraw my hand and sigh. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Ares is too for my taste, even in his sleep, he doesn't even have to try hard. I get comfortable, resting my face on my hand to watch him like the stalker I am.

And then he opens his eyes, surprising me. My goodness, what beautiful eyes he has, the daylight reflects in them. Having him so close I can see how deep and beautiful the blue of his eyes is.

I stay still, waiting for his reaction. Ares hasn't been the best in matters of us waking up together; he has run away both times, we've never been like this, literally waking up in front of each other. So, I prepare myself for the worst.

My mother says that pessimists live a better life because they are always prepared for the worst, and, when the worst doesn't happen, the joy is doubled. I've never agreed with her, but today I might say I would consider her point. I'm so ready to see Ares get up and give me excuses to leave that when he doesn't, my heart races.