Chapter 186

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I watch him lay next to me, shirtless, his hair tousled all over his head. His muscles are relaxed but yet tense at the same time. 

I can't help but watch every feature of his so carefully; as carefully as I can. I want to take all of him in, and all of the new things I notice about him. 

I feel sweaty and my shit is stuck to my back, somehow this is the first time I'm noticing that I need to take a shower since I woke up an hour ago. I slept hidden under the thick sheets that Miles ahs replaces. 

Befoe they were silky and smooth, but now they're fluffy and cloud-like. My full head of hair tested on my arm for too long and now my hair is glued to my face in a sweaty-sticky mixture that I want to get rid of. I slowly get away from Miles and let my feet slip down onto the floor but it doesn't take long for Miles's strong arm pull me back into the warmness of the bed.

"Mm." He grunts and I can tell that he's still half asleep and still very much unaware of what I'm trying to do.

"Yo." He says, his voice low as he's blurting out half slurred and half very deep-voiced grunt-like words out of his perfectly pink lips.

"Madison." He says and I can't helo the feelings that wash over me after hearing my name like this, so raspy and so from his tiredness.

"Don't leave . . . me." He says and a smile plays on my lips before I part them in order to say something but Miles then grunts and falls back asleep, his breathing getting heavier with every second passing. 

One more time, I let my feet slide down and fall onto the soft carpet below me and make my way slowly into Miles's bathroom. 

It's practically right across from his bedroom and I can't help but take a deep breath once I press the door handle down to the bathroom. Everything in here smells like him, his shower gel, his cologne, his after-shave. 

I feel like I'm heaven. I take one more deep breath, filling my nostrils and lungs with the smell I'll never get rid of. It's the only smell I like, the only one that feels mine, that protects me. I turn on the shower and let the water run down slowly but then my fingers ask for more and the water flies down with speed. 

I slowly slip out of my clothes, feeling the comfort that comes with being so completely free. Before the feeling wasn't there but after Miles, it makes me feel good, so pure and real. 

Losing my virginity to him early wasn't as bad as my mother has scolded me about my whole life, it was worth it and it always makes me feel so good. Looking back, everything my mother has told me was nothing but a projection of her own life; her own fears onto me. 

None of it was true, none of it was real and it's not my life, it doesn't work for me. I know who Miles is and I can't explain it, nobody else sees it but I do. He's not like my dad was no matter how similar my mother says he is. 

I know the real him and that's all I need to know, no one else might agree or see Miles the way I do but he's not toxic, he's not angry, he's not bad or wrong, he's hurt. He's lost and he's ready to change everything for me; for me. 

He's ready to come clean, be honest and do everything it takes to keep me. He's never trying to take anything from me, destroy me or hurt me he's here for me and no matter how many people are blind to it, I will always see it. 

I will forever see him for who he really is. And why would anyone else know him? They don't know what we feel for each other, they don't know how he laughs, raises his brows, or gives me the Miles smile that I crave so much; the one that warms my heart and tells me that he loves me and he'll never stop.

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