in the wise words of tennyson

653 15 19
                                    

The whole world is a collection of memoranda that proves to me she did exist, and that I have lost her. This is our story. Liv's and mine.

You may know me as Joshua Bassett. The boy who broke her heart. I was stupid, naive, and ignorant. I didn't care. I left her. If it were my call, I'd turn back time and do it all again. Those mistakes never stopped coming back to me. I'm reminded of it every day, and I'm still haunted by the memories. I thought I'd moved on and my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past, but I was wrong. Everything reminds me of her. Every time I play the guitar, I remember her small, nimble fingers strumming the strings. Her laughter, her voice.

Flashback-----

"So, Cap'n, what do you think of this? I fell in love with the only girl who knows what I'm about," I sang. We were both writing a song for Ricky and Nini on the show in her Salt Lake apartment. "I fell in love with the only boy who knows what I'm about," she added in that angelic voice of hers. I couldn't stop staring at her with this mix of awe and a dumb, lost, lovesick puppy look on my face. "What?"

"You're truly one of a kind, Olivia Isabel Rodrigo."

She blushed red and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I could say the same about you. You're the best."

"No, you..."

"Awe, no, you..."

It went back and forth for a while before I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. It was like one of those moments in the movies, 'shut up and kiss me.'

"Wow," she said once I pulled away. "That should help me get through the next few hours. I've already got the next lyric, but I'm stuck after that. After all, is said and done, I can't just pretend I'm moving on?"

"Is it just the part we're playing, cause it don't feel like we're faking?" I added.

"When we're underneath the lights, my heart's no longer broken for a moment, just for a moment...when we're singing side by side there's so much that's left unspoken, for a moment, just for a moment..."

"And maybe your heart still stops when you see me, maybe it's worth another try, better place, better time..."

When I was with her, it felt like the whole world disappeared, and it was just us. We could be anything we want to be, with no limits. Later, we tried to sing while playing her acoustic guitar, and it couldn't have sounded better.

"It's perfect," I beamed, kissing her forehead. "Just like you."

Flashback over-----

The busy traffic of LA always reminds me of her. She'd probably blast out something like Billy Joel or Taylor Swift. I'd complain, and she'd laugh, often telling me that I sometimes needed to control my temper. That was what drove her away in the end; I'll never forgive myself for it. One of my fondest memories was the time I taught her how to drive in the parking lot of the In'N'Out. It was also where we had our first kiss.

"God, why is parallel parking so hard?!" Liv whined. "I'll never get my license now."

"It's not that hard, Livvy," I said, rubbing her back. "Here, I'll teach you. "You just have to pull up to the curb, turn around, and brake. Here, try it."

"I don't want to crash your car," she pouted, leaning back into the passenger's seat. "You had to use a whole year's savings to buy it."

"It's alright, I can fix it myself," I assured her.  "I learned a couple of things from my dad. If you crash it, dent it, or anything, I'll be fine. I care more about you than just a superficial item. Come on, try. For me, please?" I gave her my puppy-dog eyes that I knew she could never resist. "Ugh, fine."

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